Generation-Y: We are the Millennials, the Hook-Up Generation and, most recently, The Coffee Date Generation.
At a time when dates are few and far between, I would usually say any date is better than “I'll meet you at the bar,” which many of us know too well.
With the elusive coffee date, however, this is not the case. In no way am I expecting a multi-course dinner at a five-star restaurant followed by a helicopter ride, but for a first date, I am hoping for a place that offers something a bit more than donuts, free WiFi and 24-hour service.
Here are my top six reasons why we should get rid of the coffee date once and for all:
1. It has an inevitable short time frame.
There are very few people in this world who will risk the caffeine jitters and hyperactive talking that comes from ordering a second coffee just to prolong a date.
I suppose having a guaranteed out within 20-30 minutes is a pro if the date goes badly, but if I’m going on a date in the first place, I’m hoping it’ll turn out well.
With this inevitable too-soon ending, the coffee date won’t give you the time to really get into the good stuff of a first date: the life stories, the experiences and the passions.
We are so fast-paced in every other aspect of our lives, we don’t need or want our dating lives to be as such. I want to take my time, and I want you to take yours.
A 30-minute date over a cup of joe isn’t taking our time. If you try to tell me you don’t have the time for more than a simple coffee date, you certainly don’t have the time to take this relationship to the next level.
2. Coffee is the least ideal date drink.
Provided your date isn’t at 7 am when you actually need the coffee, chances are, your afternoon coffee date is just providing an unnecessary caffeine buzz.
Unlike alcohol, coffee is not a social lubricant. The side effects of caffeine (increased heartbeat, faster talking, restlessness, etc.) are the last thing you need when you’re already nervous for a date.
Sipping a hot cup of jitters won't help you stop talking so quickly that you're tripping over your words. It will only make it worse.
3. It makes me feel like you don’t think I’m worth a real date.
Asking someone out to coffee is just an easy way to ask someone out without really asking someone out. For the people doing the asking, there is virtually nothing to lose.
If they get rejected, they can simply use the cop-out that it was never actually a date.
If they manage to lock down the date, it's a very straightforward thing to plan. If it goes badly, they can know, rest assured, no effort or resources were wasted.
4. It results in a lot of confusion as to what this "meet-up" is.
“Let’s grab a coffee on Monday” via text message is easily the most nonchalant way to ask someone out. It's to the point I’m not even sure if this is a real date.
Did you just friend-zone me? Are we just catching up? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
At least with dinner or some other date-like activity, both parties are (usually) fully aware of what the outing entails.
5. It’s a little too casual.
I’m all for casual dates, but the Tim Hortons or Starbucks on the corner is too casual.
If we’re sitting next to 10 burly construction workers who smell like sweat and body odor, I’m not exactly motivated to strike up engaging conversation.
If we're on this date, it means I'm at least slightly interested in you. I want to look good for our date, and I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb next to a plethora of people in sweats.
The environments of Starbucks and other quirky coffee shops are made to be casual. They are supposed to encourage studying and “hanging out,” rather than nervous and excited conversations by first daters trying to look desirable.
6. There will absolutely be no kiss.
Whether or not you’re the “type” to kiss on a first date, it won’t be happening after the coffee date.
Unless you’re both getting some sort of passive coffee drink with more milk than actual coffee, your breath will spew the remnants of your caffeine fix.
If you’re anything like me, you’re the type of impatient person who burns her tongue every damn time with that first sip.
I don’t know about you, but ideally, I’d like our first kiss to taste of virtually anything other than burnt tongue and the horrific aftertaste of coffee.
Furthermore, a (sober) first kiss is awkward enough without it being along a line of people waiting at the bus top outside the coffee shop in pure daylight.
The majority of our generation favors casual hangouts and hookups rather than actual dating, but the coffee date blurs the line between what is "real" and what is casual.
I, like many girls I know, am done wasting time trying to figure out whether our coffee meet-up or “study sesh” was considered a date or not.
Hooking up is fine, but if you’re into someone, do her a favor and take her on a real date. This way, there will be no overanalyzing what your intention is.