Among his many dreams, a lover of women knows clearly one of his greatest: to become her dream. Which “her?" All of them. Especially her. It isn't a difficult dream to imagine.
She can't focus on her project at work because she's thinking about cooking dinner with you tonight. As she picks out food for the meal, she smiles and remembers meeting you in a grocery aisle just like this one, seeing your smile for the first time. And when she nears your apartment door, she can't help but skip and then, she drops the eggs. As she picks up her mess, she hears laughter and looks up to see your smile.
And then she forgets the whole world. There is no embarrassment, no broken eggs — just you and her. A dream that has come true. Unfortunately, too many men don't dream like women do.
They sneer at books like "50 Shades of Grey" or other novels that capture the imagination of millions of women. They dismiss them as silly, unrealistic and fantastical. But that's the point. Her fantasies are where she wants to live.
And the only reason she's not living it is because you haven't become that man … at least not yet. And manifesting that dream doesn't require looks, money, intelligence, social status or professional success. You only have to give her what she wants, when she wants it. Can it really be that easy? Yup. And I'll show you because she deserves that.
Here are the five ways to give her what she wants and become the boyfriend of her dreams:
1. Have sex as soon as she's ready.
As you take a sip of your Iced Macchiato, you look over at her and drink in her presence … and now you're staring. Oh sh*t. But it's OK. She's staring, too. And it's not even awkward. Besides these brutally honest moments of infatuation, conversation flows effortlessly.
Then, after one particularly long silence (i.e. stare-fest), she asks, “Where do you live?” You live in the city, just a few minutes away, you tell her. Then you wonder what inspired her to pursue a career in physical therapy. Conversation reignites, and the flow continues. After a few minutes, she asks another random question.
“Do you have roommates?” Nope. You live in a studio, you say. Then, before you can continue the conversation, she tells you she doesn't have plans for the rest of the night and doesn't have work until late the next day. If you aren't picking up on these cues, you're missing what we call “escalation windows.”
Women drop these conversational hints when they want you to move things forward. And they usually mean one thing,“I want to be alone with you.” Why else would she ask you about your roommate situation? She wants privacy. And she's not asking where you live so she can stalk you or send you Anthrax in the mail. She's interested in going to your apartment, or at least considering it.
And, yes, this can all happen on the first date. Some men assume that to be respectful to a woman, you shouldn't get intimate with her too quickly, lest you risk offending her or imply you only want to hook up. This is a noble intention, but it's slightly mistaken. The hours, days or weeks it takes to be intimate with a woman is irrelevant.
Respect isn't measured by time, but by comfort and desire. If she wants you now, it means she wants you now. Ironically, it's when you miss these signs or reject them that you actually disrespect her.
Think about it. She makes it blatantly obvious she wants to be alone with you, and then you ignore the hint, because you're not focused enough on her to notice. Not as attentive as you thought you were, huh? Or maybe you dismiss the hint because you don't want to give her the wrong impression? Well, pay better attention.
And there's no rule in any book that says you can't hook up first, then have a serious relationship after. In fact, many of the most passionate and exciting relationships start off exactly like this. And if she IS just looking to hook up, then you're really not doing anyone any favors by putting it off.
Sex is a fantastic way to honor an intense connection, be it for one night or for the rest of your lives. First date, second date or even months into seeing her, don't make her wait. Give her what she wants, when she wants it and begin the most passionate relationship of your lives with a fiery bang.
2. Be unpredictable in how often you see her.
You like her. A lot. And she likes you, too. But, she's a bit unpredictable. Sometimes she's available, and other times she's too busy, but she promises she'll see you soon. When you do finally meet up, you're excited. It feels like it's been forever, even though you saw her just last week.
Alright, let's be honest. You're crazy about her. You enjoy the chase. You love the mystery. Well, you must understand that women crave mystery even more than you do. They want a man who cares for them and spends time with them, but who is also unpredictable.
When a couple or soon-to-be-couple sees each other too often and too routinely, the trajectory of the relationship becomes predictable. And one of them usually catches on, while the other is too caught up in the romance to see how cookie-cutter it's all becoming.
And if you're the blind one, you're going to bore her. Don't do that. Let her get lost in a romance that's always exciting, new and a bit unpredictable. Let her live her dream.
Now, I am not advocating you flake or ghost on her just to appear busy or not seem too into her. Women are smart and will see past your charade. Instead, have things going on besides her. So when you do see her, you can share with her all the amazing things going on in your life.
3. Stay in together as much as possible.
Woah, shouldn't you be taking her on grand adventures, fancy dinners and outings with friends and co-workers? Nah.
Contrary to most dating advice, you should stay in as much as possible with your girl, at least for the first few months together. Don't go out to bars or clubs together, don't meet her friends, don't introduce her to yours ... at least, not yet.
If the relationship thrives long enough, that time will come. “But why wait?” you ask. Because the relationship is about the two of you, not anyone else. Friends, co-workers, family, random people on Facebook — they all put pressure on you two (especially her) as soon as you two are considered an item or “official.”
Friends and acquaintances will bug her, asking how serious you two are, and inquire about all sorts of details, despite it being none of their business.
And if she tells them, they will react according to their own beliefs and may even criticize the dynamics of your relationship. Just look at any celebrity couple. People who don't even know either partner personally will spend hours of their day thinking, talking and writing about someone else's relationship.
Most people will provide nothing to your relationship but jealousy and criticism. And that venom can quickly turn into gossip, rumors, and complications.
Until you two have formed a connection so strong that outside influences have little to no effect on you two, avoid making your relationship public.
4. Be the romantic rock in her life.
Most men fall into one of two categories. They are either the doting and supplicating “nice guy,” or they're a jerk. Both men ultimately fail to provide a dream relationship to the women they love.
The nice guy gives her romance but fails at providing emotional stability. He is not strong or independent and needs constant validation from her. Eventually, she becomes annoyed with his neediness and hovering. Equals support each other, but they do not need each other.
The jerk has the opposite problem. He excites her, challenges her and is (seemingly) independent, but he fails to provide her with the compassion and love she needs. He fears vulnerability, so when she does open herself to him, he closes himself off, making her feel like an idiot for opening up to someone who won't do the same. This keeps a relationship from blossoming to its full potential.
But a genuinely strong man who truly loves women provides both. He cares for his girl, makes her feel safe and loved, but isn't wracked by a fear of losing her. He needs only himself. When there's drama, he remains calm and figures out how to make her happy, since he doesn't have to worry about his happiness — he already has it.
When she feels exposed by her insecurities or something in her life, he will open himself, revealing his own insecurities, as if to say, “yes, I am broken, too. But it's OK. I'm happy.”
And when she needs to cry and feel loved, he will hold her close and say exactly what she needs to hear: nothing. He cares, but he does not cling. He is her romantic rock.
5. Let her be your relationship co-pilot.
Don't ever try to control a woman. You will always fail. And yet, so many men begin relationships by trying to do exactly that.
They push for commitment; they want her to promise to only be with him. Sorry, buddy. This isn't love, and don't try to mask it as that. A desire to keep her for yourself does not come from anything near love. It is pure possessiveness.
And women know it. They tell me all the time how men pressure them into boxes and labels, and always with a tinge of disappointment or even disgust. They don't like the possessiveness, but they put up with it because they do like the guy ... so, sure, "Why not be his girlfriend?"
But, ask yourself, do you want a woman to be with you, because of a “why not?" Or do you want her to jump into your arms and tell you she can't think of anyone but you and wants to be your girl? Exactly. And she wants that, too.
If the sex is bed-breaking, you two treat each other like royalty and you follow the previous tips in this article, you won't have to push for the relationship. She'll tell you when she's ready. The only question you need to worry about now is this one:
Are you ready to become her dream man?