It’s inevitable that most of us will eventually go through a breakup. Unless you are of the very small, very lucky demographic, you will go through multiple relationships on your journey to find “the one.”
Some of our significant others will make more lasting, deeper impressions than others, and oftentimes, we linger and pine over memories with them.
Well, this is simply not fair to your future significant other, as you will inevitably bring baggage into your next relationship.
You need to move on; here are five reasons why you haven’t been able to do so:
1. You won’t let yourself move on
This reason is perhaps the biggest culprit to your inability to get over your last relationship. You haven’t moved on because you simply haven’t allowed yourself to do so. You are constantly checking all mediums of social media for updates on your ex's life.
I understand the longing behind this reason to check up on your ex. Perhaps you are harboring some faint hope that you will get back together, or your newfound free time leads you to his or her social media pages. Regardless of the cause, this form of self-abuse will do you no good.
Develop a stronger willpower to shake this addiction. One thing that I have found to be incredibly useful is to take everything one day at a time. Go one day without checking social media, then go another day, then keep repeating until you no longer feel the urge to check up on your ex.
The old adage is that it takes 21 days to break an addiction, so give this practice a go for one month and you might just find yourself emotionally cleansed.
2. You are idolizing your ex
It is all too easy to put your ex on a pedestal, especially when emotional factors, like attraction and loneliness, come into play. You need to immediately stop magnifying his or her strengths and instead focus on the little things about his or her personality that annoyed you.
If you do not do this, you will not be able to find someone better. Stop reflecting on the good times in the relationship; don’t mull over the time you both went to Paris and it was the most romantic trip of your life. Don’t think about how he or she would leave you surprise notes to brighten up your day.
Any person out there could do those things for you, but you have to move on and give these new prospects a chance. If are you idolizing your ex, you will potentially never move one. You will carry a Herculean load of baggage into your next relationship.
3. You have been dumped and need to be validated
The need for validation is present in all human beings. We are social creatures and need to feel loved. Being dumped often creates an effect of despair and a shaking of confidence.
When you are dumped, the other person essentially says he or she doesn’t love you anymore and is perfectly fine without you.
Many of us take this as a need to redeem and validate ourselves to our exes. This is the main reason for rebound relationships and why so many people feel devastated after breakups. Stop seeking validation from others and instead validate yourself.
4. You replay scenarios in which you could have done better
Too many people are guilty of this scenario: You find yourself reminiscing about your past relationships, fixating on specific times. With a wistful mindset, you daydream of better alternatives, changing unhappy times into times of joy and happy times into exorbitantly ecstatic times.
You need to cut that out, right now. There is no point in living in the past, especially if it does not help your present. Realize that there is nothing you can do to change the past and no amount of wishful thinking or praying will change that.
The only reason to reminisce about the past is so you can own up to your mistakes and prevent yourself from doing the same in the future.
5. You need to forgive yourself and your ex
Closure is perhaps the hardest thing to gain after a breakup. There is too much hurt and resentment that closure hardly ever happens. The dumpee will not forgive the one who ended things and will probably forever harbor some sort of negativity toward the person who sparked the breakup.
To truly move on, forgive yourself and your ex. It just was not meant to be.
Moving on is hard to do, but it is absolutely necessary. Learn how to be alone, how to be single and how to be independent. Do not waste time moping about, and instead, work on yourself in every aspect you can: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Take this time and connect with people you have not seen in a long time. Pick up a hobby so when you are alone, you have a new passion in which to invest your time. Figure out how to be a happy person to see how easy it is to find yourself in another happy relationship. Cheers.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It