Fireworks Are Possible When Dating, Wait For Them
Dating is hard, I know it, we know it, they know it. It's become a never ending cycle of drinks and texts and Snapchat streaks. A lot of getting your hopes up to just have them most likely let down.
And as the weather drops, so do our standards. We're giving people “tries” because we want to “put ourselves out there” and “we never know.”
We convince ourselves sparks, fireworks and true connections are just a figment of our imaginations, and that these feelings only exist in animated movies and on "One Tree Hill." Then, before you know it, you're 42 with three kids signing the divorce papers.
Did I take that too far?
I don't mean to be a cynic; I blame it half on my dramatic personality and tendency to over think every single word and situation that happens in my life.
But the other half, I'd like to blame society. I know, I know, poor society, it really gets blamed for everything these days, but when it comes to dating and relationships, I think it's safe to say: Society really has it twisted.
I will say though, I don't think it's a recent thing.
Yes, we've all heard how Gen-Y has truly distorted the reality of love and I can't really argue too much there as social media has really proven to be a powerful force in ruining any shot at authentic love, but that's another story for a different day.
What I'm saying is that society has always taught us there is no such thing as a fairy tale ending. Prince Charming or damsels in distress are just characters in a Disney movie.
And it's true, I'm not denying that, but the idea of romance and expectations aren't something that you should have to compromise on just because you want to be in a relationship.
Sure, compromise is a good thing, but there's a big difference between compromising to get Mexican for dinner when you wanted Chinese and compromising the qualities you hoped to find in a SO.
If I want there to be a full on Macy's fireworks display when I kiss someone, then that's what I want and I shouldn't have to feel like I need to settle for the town pool firework display.
Here are five things we shouldn't have to give up or “compromise” on to be in a relationship.
There can be fireworks and sparks. If you believe in this, then hold out for it.
I don't care how hopeless it seems, if you're waiting for your heart to skip beats then don't settle for just a quick flutter. If what you want is that heart stopping feeling then hold out for it.
If you want a significant other who loves going to the gym or loves dogs, then don't settle for someone who thinks the gym is overrated or would rather own a cat.
Contrary to popular belief, expectations are good. You should have qualities and things that you like, sure not everything has to be a deal breaker, but if you're passionate about something, then don't push your desires to the side.
Not every date is going to be unique and creative. But getting drinks at a local bar or cuddling up and watching a movie should be exciting.
You should be excited when they text you or ask you to hang out. Excitement should never be too much to ask for.
Maybe this is a Gen-Y problem, but you should never have to give up the idea of commitment.
Commitment isn't a death sentence; it's actually a pretty cool idea. And if you're not ready for it, then no one said you had to be, but don't try to take someone else who is down with you.
And if you're ready for it, don't settle for someone who isn't. Maybe one day they will be, but timing is everything so they say.
We should never give up who we are.
These people we want to be in relationships with are not just supposed to be our romantic partners; they're supposed to be our best friends. So if you ever find yourself having to hide your obsession with reality TV or that weird quirk that makes you, you, then the only thing you should be giving up is the person you're talking to.
It's always easy to push these things aside in fear that we are being selfish or too difficult. But maybe that's the real problem with dating.
Maybe we're not being difficult enough, maybe we're all just settling because we rather have a hand to hold than be alone. And I get that; I've been guilty of doing just that.
But it's not fair to either party when we give up on what we want.
The world is full of billions of people. Maybe not today, tomorrow or even five years from now, but I can guarantee that one day we will all meet someone who wants to feel the same sparks, loves the things we love and wants similar things we want.
Until then, I'll continue to put myself out there and hope that one day I stumble across the magic, because love should be magic.