4 Excuses You Keep Making That Sabotage Your Chance Of Finding Love

by Sohee Kim
Sanja (Lydia) Kulušić

I have a confession to make: I'm a hopeless romantic, and I'm proud of it.

I have fallen in love before. I've gotten my heart broken multiple times. I've allowed myself time to heal, and I never thought twice about giving up the conquest of finding that kind of love again.

OK, that's a lie.

I've thought about giving up on it, and way more than twice. I mean, it's in our nature to question things, right?  But regardless of my doubts, I still stand my ground as a hopeless romantic. I fantasize about one day being with someone who I can confidently say is the love of my life, like some sort of scene from a Nicholas Sparks movie.

Most people believe that those who are hopeless romantics are naive idealists who daydream too much about a love that is thought to be unattainable.

Maybe trying to make a replica of the “kissing in the rain” scene from "The Notebook" is unattainable, but I think everyone can be a hopeless romantic. It's just that people tend to not try to find love.

We just have to be able to be strong enough to fight through the excuses we've been making. They stop us from believing in that kind of love.

Hopeless romantics are definitely a rare breed, but I think this belief we have about love is actually a unique gift. Our kind is becoming more and more extinct because the meaning of love has really changed when it comes to our generation.

In fact, everyone was once a hopeless romantic. It's just that people are scared to admit it. I think being a hopeless romantic is nothing to be ashamed of.

Although there is a very low chance of me finding a kind of love like is present in "The Notebook," I'm pretty determined to find something that is as close to it. Being in passionate love with someone is definitely a damn great feeling.

So, this got me thinking. Why are people not looking for love the way hopeless romantics do? These are some of the possible excuses we make for ourselves:

1. We've been hurt before.

A lot of us lose ourselves after heartbreak. We protect ourselves with an imaginary wall we've built. We think we're unable to find love that's similar to what we've already experienced.

Nobody wants to keep going through heartbreak. But this doesn't mean you should allow yourself to think you're not going to find a “til death do us part” kind of love again. Who knows? You may possibly be missing out on someone who can love and care for you more than the person who broke your heart.

You just have to forgive and accept that you and your previous significant other may have fallen out of love for a reason.

2. We blame ourselves.

Maybe you stopped being a hopeless romantic because you messed up with your previous significant other, and you can't stop blaming yourself for it.

The biggest mistake in blaming yourself about the past is the fact that your regret will lead you to miss out on opportunities where you could experience potential passionate romance with someone else.

It's possible that you might think your previous lover was the one for you, but unfortunately, you're wrong. You just have to learn from your mistakes and take the leap of faith that your true love is just around the corner, waiting for you.

3. We fear being alone.

Maybe you realize you're actually hopeless when it comes to your chances of finding true love because you're scared of being alone. You notice that all your friends are getting married or are in relationships, so you get desperate and end up settling for someone who is less than you deserve.

You just can't be bothered to continue finding what you're looking for because you feel like you've waited enough.

Just because you're the only single one within your friend group, that doesn't mean you're never going to find true love. It's never too late to find and meet your perfect person.

Settling with someone who won't make you truly happy is just going to cause you more heartbreak. True happiness is waiting for the person you're proud to call your own.

4. We don't believe in true love.

Most people don't believe in true love, but I'm pretty sure everyone has experienced love before. If you haven't felt it yet, your time is coming.

The love that you see in movies is not just for the movies. In reality, that kind of love is still possible. It does exist. It's just that those relationships are kind of rare to see in public.

The only thing that's stopping you from experiencing true love is the fact that you don't believe in it. So, why not give it a try? You might actually be missing out on something really special.

It's not bad being a hopeless romantic. I think everyone should really embrace it.

To be honest, I blame a lot of things around us. They really influence us to believe a fairy-tale type of love doesn't exist.

Being a hopeless romantic is a choice you make for yourself. You've just got to find the core of your problem. Once you've figured that out and accepted the fact that you're ready to be a hopeless romantic, you're one step closer to finding your happily ever after.