So, it’s over. You don’t know what to do with yourself. You spend countless nights crying your ass off, wondering WHY, stalking his Facebook page — or worse, his new girl's page.
You constantly call and text to say how much you love and miss him, but then you wonder why you can't get over him.
Let’s face it: The real reason why you can't get over him is because you don't want to… or you're just not quite ready to let go.
Regardless, chances are strong that you're making one or (many) of these 20 mistakes:
1. You still follow him on social media
If you broke up, you MUST delete him and from ALL social media channels. You must also delete his friends and family because seeing these characters on your newsfeed can drudge up all kinds of feelings… especially if they get tagged in photos with a new partner.
Out of site, out of mind. Do yourself a favor and quit torturing yourself. Stop stalking your ex on the Internet.
2. You still have his number on your phone
Having his phone number is not necessary. In fact, it's a trap. It leaves you susceptible to sending late-night drunken texts that you will surely regret. Erase his number, texts, your call log — everything!
Don't just delete him — block him, too. This way, he can't contact you, either.
3. You focus too much on the good times
Whether you’ll admit it or not, chances are, the relationship fell apart for good reason. If you are having trouble letting go, you are probably reminding yourself of only the good times.
Remember the bad times, too. Remember the times he didn't pay enough attention to you or made you cry. Give yourself a reason to believe that not being with him is truly the best thing for you.
4. You downplay the bad things
Much like only focusing on the good things, downplaying the bad things can give you a false sense of hope. It may sound damaging, but focusing on the bad will help you get over him quicker.
Don't just recall how he called you fat or selfish. Call it emotional abuse. Is this something you want to invite back into your life?
5. You haven't forgiven him
Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, you are probably waiting for an apology. Maybe you're waiting for him to realize what he did wrong and admit it. But, the longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more you will start to resent him.
Resentment is an ugly emotion and can lead you to not only feel sorry for yourself, but also to hold on to things you need to let go.
Forgiveness is paramount to making moves in life and required if you want to move forward. Real forgiveness only requires one person: YOU.
6. You haven't forgiven yourself
Maybe you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Maybe you constantly replay what happened, how you could have done it differently or said it differently or demanded less from your ex. Well, what's done is done.
The relationship is over, and now you have to learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. There's no sense in punishing yourself for something you cannot change.
7. You're waiting for closure
Much like forgiveness, closure is something we think requires the other person to achieve.
Well, truthfully, closure must come from within. You must be okay with what happened and be willing to move past it.
Do and think whatever you want or must think in order to feel okay with the fact that this part of your life is over.
8. You haven't started dating again
In order to get over your ex, you MUST get back into the dating world. You don't need to find a serious relationship or seek your soul mate right away, but it's important to see what else is out there.
Meet new people and at the very least, make some new friendships or connections. You never know what could happen when you put yourself out there again.
9. You haven't started exploring
Even though relationships are the foundation of our lives, there's so much more to them. Adventure, risks, travel, the unknown — whatever it is, put yourself where the action is. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and discover life again.
Watching Netflix and binge snacking is great when you're in a relationship, but now that you are FREE, it's time to start exploring.
10. You haven't discovered yourself
We get so caught up in some relationships that we begin to lose ourselves. Find out who you REALLY are, what makes you happy and excited, and make it part of your life. You are on this Earth for a reason — find it and live it!
11. Your friends enable you
Best friends are the glue that holds us together after we've been broken so many times. It's instinctual to run to your friends for advice and comfort. But oftentimes, our friends just tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear.
If you need to, seek help from a life coach or counselor, someone who can provide you with some better direction.
Plus, your friends will thank you later because trust me, they do get tired of hearing your sh*t repeatedly.
Whether your vice of choice is drugs, alcohol, food or sex, you are most likely engaging in some form of damaging behavior in the wake of a breakup.
Falling into any kind of addiction only masks the pain. It will never allow you to fully feel the emotions so that you can address them and move on.
13. You took it too personally
The cliché break-up line, "It's not you, it's me," gets a bad rap. But in actuality, it's probably one of the truest statements.
Remember this: What someone says doesn’t have everything to do with you, but everything to do with the person.
You may never know all of the reasons for a breakup, but know that your ex has his or her reasons, feelings and own emotions, too.
14. You lack independence
Your loneliness haunts you each day. You think you need someone to complete you and to make you happy. You are so used to having that one person who is always there to vent to, text, call and kiss.
Realize that person is now gone and you must learn to only rely on yourself. Start to make your solitude exciting; schedule more "me" time. Get comfortable with your identity so that you don't lose yourself in your next relationship.
15. You think you can still be friends
This is a big no-no in my book. In some rare cases, it may be true. But, if you are still in love with your ex, you cannot be friends. You will mistake the friendship for hope that you can rekindle the love.
Maybe you can be friends in the future but only if you are both completely over each other.
Regardless, in the weeks and months following a breakup, it's not a healthy option.
16. You haven't set boundaries
When some people break up, they continue to have some sort of a relationship (or just sex) without the title. This allows your ex to have his or her cake and eat it, too.
If you still entertain your ex with calls or texts or sex (at his or her convenience) without the commitment, you are digging your own relationship’s grave.
It's not that your ex is bad person, but this person is human. If you give an inch, your ex will test you to see how far he or she can go. Set boundaries for what you want, not what you think will make him or her feel good.
17. You don't think you are worthy
Too many people devalue who they are to the point that when someone leaves them, it becomes the end of the world.
If your happiness and worth depends on someone else so much so that when that person leaves, your confidence and happiness leave, too, it’s a bad sign.
Remember all of the good things about yourself, the things that make you YOU. Think about who you were before your ex came along. Go back to that.
18. You're addicted to drama
Maybe you like the drama, the tears, the complaining, the ranting, the raving and the whole emotional rollercoaster. For some reason or another, you enjoy punishing yourself.
It may seem as if there's peace in your life and you need to stir something up to make it exciting.
Well, get over yourself and stop throwing pity parties each night. Where there's a will, there's a way.
19. You think something is better than nothing
At some point, you accepted less than you deserve because you thought “something” was better than nothing. Raise your standards — especially when it comes to your ex.
I don't care how much time you "invested" in the relationship or how much someone thinks he orshe knows about you. Is your ex REALLY the type of person with whom you want to spend forever?
20. You’re making decisions with the wrong priority
Sure, the sex was great, but sex isn't the end all, be all of a relationship. Quite simply, it takes more than that.
If you could sustain a great physical connection with the wrong person, just imagine how hot and steamy it can be with the right person.
Stop settling, get real about your relationships and upgrade your life. You can't make someone love you, and begging for your ex to come back will only push him or her further away. Needy, clingy and desperate are not attractive qualities.
Own your sense of self and value, and the right person will come along to complement you.
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