Sometimes we just need to learn how to say, “You’re an assh*le. Goodbye. I do not wish you all the best, I do not hope you do well and I never want to see you again for as long as I live.”
This is a lesson I’ve recently learned, and it is not an easy one. No one wants to be the bad guy and no one wants to look like an insane bitch. But at all times, every situation deserves an admission of true feelings in honesty. Your integrity is all you have!
Rule #1: DO NOT PRETEND
It is important to release any negative feelings you may be harboring. It is unhealthy. Do not lie to yourself — you have them, in abundance. He did you dirty. Possibly in a number of ways, he didn’t meet your expectations, however insane he said they were. Release the negativity into the atmosphere; completely let it go so you can move on. That’s the truth. You may not actually wish him to be maimed in reality, but in the moment, it is what it is.
It is a feeling, not a prayer or a gesture. So let it out — it’s over anyway. Who cares what he thinks of you? His opinions of you are neither your concern nor your business any longer. The bridge has already been incinerated. So learn to tell him to go f*ck himself; that’s likely what he’ll have to do for the next little while before he gets the chance to shack up with the next poor little dove to fall prey to his insidious behavior anyway. Cry. Scream. Swear. Let out whatever negativity exists — do not lament over it.
We cannot be perfect people. It's an unrealistic goal. Admit your feelings — however unrealistic or childish they may be. A part of maturing is being able to recognize the negative feelings and what caused them so that hopefully, there isn’t a “next time.” The difficulty is not only in the admittance, but in the letting go as well.
Fine, don’t wish him well. Wish him unhappiness if that is what you feel. But once you’ve let it out, you have to let it go. Hanging on to any residual hurt, shame, anger or animosity just prevents you from being able to move on. Think about it. If your glass is filled up with negative juice, you’ll have no space to let in the positive juice. And if you try and let go of half the negative and pour in some positive, things just become a cloudy and confusing mess. So, let it all go. Invite the positivity back. Indifference will follow.
Rule #2: KNOW YOUR WORTH
This is key — I could write an entire novel on this one. Once you understand your self-worth, I guarantee it will be easier for you to navigate through all of your relationships. Know who you are and what you will — and won’t — accept from a lover. Yes, it is still fair to feel slighted if he comes up short, but be proud when you can walk away from something that is outside of what you deserve. You deserve respect. You deserve honesty. You deserve kindness.
Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. It never works out. A piece of advice: when you meet a person, he or she already is who he or she is. Accept and understand that you cannot change people. All you can do is see whether or not they fit into your paradigm of a happy future.
Also remember that you get back what you put in. Part of knowing your worth is doing some personal inventory. You need to understand where you need growth. Don’t expect him to be faithful if you’re in the club, accepting numbers from every cute guy who introduces himself.
That being said, when it’s over, it’s over. Accept the situation for what it is (or was) and then, for all intents and purposes, LET. IT.GO. Learn from the situation and make better choices for next time.
Photo via We Heart It