It took a while for me to really enjoy sex. When I was younger, I loved the fact (or the act) of doing it. I never really thought about whether I got off or got any real pleasure from it. I guess I was more concerned about if my partner got off, if he thought I was good or honestly, the fact that he liked me enough to have sex with me.
Now that I'm in my late 20s, I look back and think, "What the f*ck was I thinking?!" How did I ever think that what my partner wanted was more important than what I wanted? Why didn't I care about the stages or motions of sex, and not just the fact they I could get a guy off?
The first age-old, clichéd answer to this is, as women, we learn with age what we want and how to enjoy it. But most importantly, how to ask for it. Let's be honest, not all men (unfortunately) will know what to do, or how to do what makes us feel good. It's up to us to say something.
I love talking about sex. It's one of the common threads that bonds everyone together, especially women. The funny part about that is some people feel more comfortable talking to their friends about their sex life than they are the person they're having sex with.
It's easier to give your partner a, "Oh my gosh, that was amazing," conversation/compliment, but it's a little harder having the, "So, I didn't finish" conversation. And I think we automatically assume our guy is going to feel less than a man when we tell him we didn't come, or we fear they won't care. But this is the exact opposite of the truth.
If you are in a new relationship (or any relationship, for that matter), your guy wants to hear what he can do to pleasure you. And if he doesn't want to hear it, honey, you need to run for the hills because he is not for you.
I have two cardinal rules when it comes to talking about sex with my partner:
1. You can mask any request with dirty talk.
It may sound silly, but it totally works. One of my really good friends once told me, "You can make a man do anything when you have his d*ck in your hand, or when he is almost about to come." And I don't completely disagree with that. You're both completely vulnerable and open to hearing and saying anything at that point.
I have found it is way easier to say what you want, and how you want it, in the heat of the moment or right when it is happening. But for those who might still feel a little shy saying something during sex (or at all), there is always good old sexting to fall back on.
It is a little easier to segway into a, "So, I was thinking ... " kind of conversation via text, than if you were to do it in person. You have complete freedom through your phone. And you don't have to worry about the potential awkwardness that might come with having a face-to-face conversation.
Plus, after you've said what you need/want in the bedroom, it almost becomes a game. You are both creating this world/experience of what you would like to have the next time you have sex. And as a result, you build up all this anticipation, which is so hot when you're in intimate with someone.
2. If he doesn't want to go down on you, he's not a keeper.
Oral sex is such an intimate act. For me, I have to really be into someone to go down on them. And it is a little different for men. I mean, there are so many factors into going down on a girl. Questions like these pop up in his mind: Is she going to like it? Is the "flora" right? How long do I have to be down there?
The list goes on and on. But if a guy is really into you, he will want to do that all. the. time. They feel like they're in complete control, and they love making you orgasm during oral. It's probably the most selfless act a man can do. It's making it all about you, what you need and what you want. Plainly put, going down on a girl is so sexy. It ends up meaning so much more than something physical.
All in all, the sooner you tell your man what you want, the better. It will bring you closer together, it builds communication and the sex gets better. Life is too short to have bad, uneventful sex.