I don't really use dating apps. (There are so many. How does one even know where to begin?!)
But in the rare moments I do, I like to fool around on Tinder.
What I've discovered as a single sleuth on Tinder is, there are a hell of a lot of guys on dating apps, and most of them aren't worth your time. From the socially inept guy to the guy who can't keep it in his pants, it's a wonder to me how anyone meets their dream guy on this thing.
Honestly, Tinder's real purpose is to weed out the weirdos and uncover the guys worth talking to.
So, let me save you some time and make that easier for you: Here are the 11 kinds of guys you'll meet on dating apps.
The Corny Pick-Up Line Guy
Oh, this guy. Someone needs to tell him to up his game.
If you're going to use a pick up line, can you at least use one that isn't so overdone and... corny?
The Shamelessly DTF Guy
We all know this guy. He usually either sends you a really raunchy sext right off the bat, or he just sends a sexual emoji.
The Con Man
This guy strings you along, and then ghosts you at the drop of a hat. You guys talk for hours, days or maybe even WEEKS, and you've already convinced yourself he's the one.
Then, literally out of nowhere, he stops answering you, and you have to convince yourself he either died or lost his phone.
I don't have documented evidence of this guy because, well, he ghosted me, and I deleted the conversation, so I'd never have to get sad by looking at it again.
The Guy Who Can't Keep A Conversation Going
This guy is probably really cute because I have a theory that a lot of super cute guys are kind of lame. It's because they think they can get through life on their looks alone, so they don't feel the need to try very hard in other areas.
Thus, you end up with a dead-end convo, where he gives you nothing to go off of, like this one:
The Guy You Actually Have A Great Conversation With
If you find a guy who goes along with your weird questions and defies your expectations in his responses, you know you're having a convo worth revisiting.
It's a rare occurrence that I actually have a noteworthy conversation on a dating app. But this guy was able to match my wit and my love for pirates and ninjas. Maybe I'll actually meet up with him.
The Guy Who Has A Little Spunk
I like to open with spunky conversation starters, especially ones that rhyme. (What can I say? It's the writer in me.)
Clearly, this guy didn't disappoint. He's spunky and unafraid to combat my rhyme with some rhyme on his own. It's nice to talk to a guy that doesn't interrupt the flow you've set.
The Guy Who Doesn't Understand Your Sense Of Humor
Is there anything worse than trying to shoot the shit with a guy who just doesn't get you?
The Guy Who Thinks Out Loud (But It Works)
This guy seemed to pull some stream-of-consciousness shit and literally just typed exactly what he's thinking.
IMO, it just makes him seem sexy because he's confident in himself and doesn't overthink anything:
The Guy Who Thinks He'll Get A Response Just By Calling You Pretty (Or Some Version Of It)
Listen, dude, thanks for calling me "gorgeous," but do you know how many guys start with this? Could you be a little more creative, please? Cool.
The Self-Obsessed Idiot With No Substance
I don't have much to say about this guy because he's pretty self-explanatory. Basically, this guy thinks he's God and acts accordingly.
The "Haha" or "LOL" Guy
Otherwise known as the wildly insecure guy, this guy says "haha" or "LOL" way too much, and I can't help but visualize him sitting there, breaking into a small sweat as he types, because he's talking to — gasp — a real-life girl.
It's hard out there, ladies.