There are two types of people in this world: those with overactive bladders and those who can't stand people with overactive bladders.
If you're like me, you have to pee at least twice an hour, and I'm sure you're more than aware of what an awkward struggle this lifestyle is.
It doesn't take long for people to pick up on the fact that you vanish all too frequently when they're hanging out with you, and once they realize it's because you're always in the bathroom... well, let the fun begin!
These people think it's a huge joke -- until they have to go with you to the bathroom in the middle of a 100,000+ person concert. Have you ever tried to make your way through a crowd like that while holding your bladder? Not fun, not at all.
So what's life like when you can't stop running to the bathroom?
1. Your coworkers think you have a bladder problem
There's nothing more awkward than when you have to pass by the same coworkers on your fifth trip to the bathroom before lunch. You shouldn't have to explain your bathroom behavior, but, unfortunately, in this situation, you feel as if you must.
2. You never buy pants that take too long to get off
High-waisted tight pants are a no-go when it comes to your wardrobe. The same goes for an intricate button situation. When you need to pee, you need to pee.
3. You avoid wearing jumpsuits at all costs
You still can't figure out which is the most efficient way of going to the bathroom while rocking this outfit: pulling over the jumpsuit or just stripping down and getting completely naked in the stall.
4. It's really not your fault you enjoy staying hydrated
Everyone is always promoting hydration, but it's BS that it affects you to this extent. You are just trying to stay healthy, not spend half your day in the bathroom.
5. Going to an all-day concert is a f*cking mission
It's hard enough making your way to the bathroom during a regular three-hour performance -- attending an all-day concert is a mission and a half.
You need someone to go with you, you need to navigate through a crowd and then once you've finally survived the disgusting porta-potty, you have to do it all over again.
6. All of your friends know you're the go-to person if they need a bathroom companion
You can't really tell how you feel about this because you hate having that rep, but every time someone asks you... you could actually go, too.
7. Whenever people can't find you at the bar, they realize it's because you're in the bathroom
At least they know where to find you in case of an emergency!
8. You realize you know more about the bathroom attendant's life than some of your friends'
You spend a solid portion of your night out, chilling with the bathroom attendant. The longer the line in the restroom, the more in-depth your conversation with the attendant becomes.
9. A road trip is your absolute worst nightmare
People don't believe you when you ask them to stop the car; they think you're just being dramatic. If only they knew the struggle...
10. Your favorite exercise is squatting over the toilet
Take that, Kim K! Sure, maybe you can't do multiple squats for the life of you, but you sure as hell have a handle on avoiding contact with the toilet seat.
11. The first thing you look for when sitting down at a restaurant is the bathroom sign
You can't be the only person in the room whose go-to move is this.
12. You have peed on the side of the road while stuck in traffic at least once in your life
...And have absolutely no shame in your game! In fact, you're proud you can be this free.
13. Nothing frightens you more than an "Out of Order" sign
What do you mean your bathroom is out of order? How the f*ck do you expect the people who work in this establishment to relieve themselves? Is this even legal?
14. Your anxiety is never higher than when you see a bathroom line start to form
You have literally paid the people at the front of the line to cut them... more than once.
15. You have convinced people to let you use the opposite sex's bathroom on more than one occasion
And totally use it freely when no one is looking.
16. There is absolutely no way you would ever sit in the window seat of an airplane
I don't know who this is more annoying for -- you or the two people you keep asking to move so you can get to the bathroom. The airline should literally pay you to take the window seat.
17. The second you get into bed, you automatically have to pee
This is the worst struggle you face on a daily basis. No matter how quickly you get into bed after finishing up in the bathroom, you will always have to go the second your head hits the pillow.