I've never been big on working out, but after a recent health scare, I decided I needed to get off the couch, put on a pair of stretchy pants, and hit the gym.
The only thing really motivating me (besides that whole "fear of death" thing) was the fact that being forced to work out means I get to purchase a whole new wardrobe of leggings, sports bras and those strappy workout tops that only look good on Victoria's Secret models (and me, because I don't give a f*ck).
The thing I quickly discovered during my very brief introduction to fitness is that there is a scary underworld of gym shirts and other workout wear that goes a little too far. Those "motivational" printed tees populating Etsy go from “Pinterest" to “scary” real quick — and there is nothing cute about that. I've rounded up some of the most obnoxious/horrifying/nauseating examples below.
Uh, no, that's just me crying.
Besides, I take extreme measures to make sure my fat is a happy camper. I treat my fat better than I treat most people.
My happy hour is my happy hour.
If there are no margaritas and $5 gin and tonics, I think it's more of a sad hour than a happy one.
You should probably get that checked out.
Wait, does that mean my fat cries glitter? That's kind of awesome, actually.
This is a TAD too aggressive.
You should really get your anger issues checked out, girl.
This doesn't sound very accurate.
If the only thing keeping you alive is a pair of thick thighs, you need to get that checked out. Like, yesterday.
That's just rude.
I don't even think Regina George would approve of these.
That got NSFW real quick.
Yes, I know these terms refer to weightlifting. No, that doesn't make me feel any better about the word "snatch."
So maybe heading to Lululemon after work isn't the worst idea.