There is a lot to know and understand about girls who were raised by single mothers. We are driven, strong and ambitious. After overcoming hardships throughout life, we are determined to achieve only the best for ourselves.
We've learned to be independent. This sometimes makes us stubborn and unwilling to ask for and accept help, which leads to frustration and confusion with some of the people in our lives
We idolize strong women and praise the other strong, independent women in our family. (Mine are my grandmother and my aunt.) We also feel like we are capable of anything after seeing all of the hard work and greatness our mothers have achieved.
While trying to understand the mind of a girl raised by a single mother, there are five important things to know and remember about us:
1. Just because we didn't have the perfect family doesn't mean we aren't normal.
The "perfect" family doesn't exist. Even if you think it does, it doesn't mean your "perfect" family produced the most "perfect" individual.
People tend to look at girls who were raised by single mothers as damaged goods who are broken and unable to trust others. Although we are weary of the people we do trust and let into our lives, we aren't incapable of it.
We are normal, strong people who are just like everyone else. We just happen to have experienced a different upbringing.
To single-parent individuals, we have come to learn that a "perfect" family doesn't necessarily mean having both parents present. It's truly what you take from the situation and how you grow from it.
As a 21-year-old who grew up in an “unconventional” household, I've learned it's perfectly OK to just have one parent present in your life. It doesn't make me abnormal, and it doesn't make me any different from my friends who may have been raised with both parents fully present in their lives.
I believe that solely having my mother around in the house (and a stepfather for a few years) helped me become a successful, ambitious woman.
2. We learned at a young age to be independent.
Growing up in a single-parent home means learning to be independent and self-sufficient. Single parents have to work a lot to maintain the home and provide for their children, so sometimes, you are left alone to figure things out.
Although my family would say my mother coddled me and was overprotective for a majority of my upbringing, she still taught me how to depend on myself and provide for myself when needed. Independence is one of the best traits a girl raised by a single mother can have, and it's definitely something to be proud of.
3. We sometimes have a hard time asking for and accepting help.
One of the biggest things to understand about girls who were raised by single mothers is that we probably didn't have a father-figure to help us out with things. Our mothers, grandmothers and aunts were the ones who financially took care of us, held us when we cried over failed relationships, raised us and instilled the best qualities in us. They are also probably the ones who will walk us down the aisle when we get married.
With that being said, it makes it hard for us to be able to ask a man, guy friend or significant other for help with anything, especially when it comes to finances. Asking for help makes us feel like we've broken every independent bone in our body.
We have it set in our minds that we can achieve the impossible and do whatever we set our minds and hearts to alone. We can't help it. We've watched our mothers do it for years completely alone, and we set ourselves to that standard almost instantaneously.
Although it can be frustrating, it's something we slowly work on throughout our lives. So, to men dating single-parent raised women: Be patient.
4. We're more careful when it comes to finding a significant other.
Some girls raised by single mothers run into the problem of having “daddy issues." I am fortunate enough to have figured mine out, moved past them and recovered from the lack of a father figure in my life.
Some women, however, still suffer from this. In turn, they are very careful and selective when it comes to boyfriends, husbands and significant others.
We have spent years seeing how hard it can be for a mother to raise kids and provide for a family alone. Some women do not want to end up that way, so they make sure to choose someone whom they can trust and can rely on (emotionally and not financially, of course).
5. We adore and look up to our mothers.
Our mothers are our superheroes. They are the ones we look to for advice and guidance. They are the ones we cry to, laugh with and love with.
They are not only our mothers, but they are also our fathers and best friends. They'll end up being the ones who walk us down the aisle and give us away at our weddings.
We have nothing but the upmost respect for our moms, and we expect the people in our lives to respect them as well. Sometimes, though, our relationships aren't the easiest. But in the end, it's all worth it because we have each other.