“Why do I always go for assh*les?” is a question many women frequently ask themselves, usually after a man wronged them in some way.
It’s a phrase that is echoed way too often, one that has shown up repeatedly in group text messages. It's choked out through teary conversations and is usually the catalyst to indulging in a bag of peanut M&M’s, a pizza, vodka or all three.
“Where are all the nice guys?” is a question many women ponder as habitually as the above. It is, at times, an incomprehensible thought that reverberates in our minds and the answer to which seems to be virtually unknown.
Females crave to be treated with respect and kindness and claim to want the quintessential "nice guy," a man with good morals and superb tact who regards others with the utmost of respect.
He will open car doors, call instead of text and send your mother flowers on her birthday. He will talk sports with your brother, take your younger sister out for ice cream and receive your father’s approval.
He crosses his T's and dots his I's and would walk over hot coals to make sure you are happy.
Instead, we [collectively] go for the consummate "assh*le": a cocky man who has bad-boy tendencies, is fluent in flirtatious banter, keeps us hanging with mysterious text messages and usually leaves us up at night, questioning whether he is truly interested or just playing us.
Despite all of the contrived ambiguity, we are still deeply attracted to this type and seem to get emotionally invested at a much quicker pace.
This is a true conundrum that requires a great deal of thought to figure out. I would voluntarily lump myself into the wider category of females that have been casualties of an assh*le guy.
I cannot stand their lack of communication and the feeling that they’re not staying true to me. And, yet, I am so completely intrigued by their coy personalities and how they keep me guessing about what will happen next.
Down the line, when text messages fail to be answered, dates are broken and he’s tagged in pictures with other attractive women, I lose my cool and break out my plea for the "nice guys." That being said, here are six reasons why females typically go for assh*les:
1. Pure Charisma
Guys with assh*le tendencies always seem to know how and when to say the right things to get under your skin.
It can be a playful attempt at an insult or a really nice compliment. Either way, it’s appealing and leaves you wanting more.
2. The “I’m Busy”
As much as we want guys to clear their schedules for us and be completely available when we want them to be, knowing someone's busy is a turn on.
It shows he’s busy with school or work, has a lot of friends and spends time with his family.
He is not clearly accessible, which leaves us wondering what he’s doing in the midst of his budding social schedule.
The element of wondering is a beautiful thing until the classic “I’m busy” becomes lip service, and he’s just ditching you or moving on to someone else.
3. Flirtatious Banter
Most assh*les, at least the ones I know, would have earned A+'s in Flirting 101. The banter is infectious and the things they say keep you on your toes. It’s like a friendly competition within a conversational setting.
It becomes part of a daily routine to which you can look forward, similar to that giddy feeling of eager anticipation you used to get when you saw your crush sign on to AOL Instant Messenger.
Essentially, we want what we can’t have or can’t have easily. When people are too nice, they seem too attainable. You want someone with whom you have palpable sexual tension.
Some guys are so nice they do whatever you want to make you happy. They cater to your needs and put themselves last. They would walk outside during a blizzard in their underwear to get you a latte if that would please you.
They do not challenge you on anything; you are always right. They don’t fight back or share their opinions.
They are so consumed with the thought of thrilling you, they completely put their personalities and needs to the wayside, so much so, things become dry and boring.
This is not how things go with assh*le guys.
5. Communication Overload Isn't Cool
Since nice guys think girls love adequate, daily communication over the phone (typically a yes); they go above and beyond to make that happen. For example, I met and went on a date with a guy who was way too enthusiastic about texting.
He would pull conversation from thin air (who enjoys getting 10 pm texts about how frustrating it is that gas stations charge more for credit than cash?), and if I didn’t answer him within a 10-15 minute window, he would come up with a random reason to text me again.
Did I mention he answered every text within 30 seconds? Seeing the iMessage dot come across my screen gave me anxiety.
Typically, “good morning” and “goodnight” texts are cute and very much sought-after from a female perspective.
When you are trying to create conversation out of absolutely nothing throughout an entire day, those cutesy texts feel burdensome. All you want to do is shut your phone off and make it stop.
Again, not the case with assh*le guys.
6. "I Don't Want Someone Who's Too Nice"
I’m sure guys hate hearing this as much as girls hate saying it, but it’s true. If he completely plays by the rules, doesn’t carry a torch for flirtation and fails to get under our skin, our inner voices tell us he’s just too nice.
Sometimes, they lack confidence; sometimes, they’re too shy or quiet. Most likely, they will be the ones to adore, love and respect you at the end of each and every day.
And, yet, they lack that “X” factor that allows them to be thrown into the "too nice" category. This phenomenon is one that doesn’t have a great explanation, and probably never will.
Are we conditioned to be attracted to assh*le tendencies because of what society tells us? Are we wary of "nice guys" because the media portrays successful, hot guys as the ones who carry the attitudes of mystery?
Human nature is interesting; maybe, one day, we’ll receive the answers to our frequently asked questions. Better yet, we’ll find that one guy who ensures we never have to pose those queries ever again.