Be Your Own Hero: 3 Reasons Women Shouldn't Rely On Men To Save Them

by Ella Lee Zant

The hardest part is realizing you're in charge. Other people can't make or break you, but sometimes, when you feel so low, you have to depend on others for your own happiness and survival.

I know external factors have had the most significant influence over my life, and I can't allow it any longer.

The notion we can't be brave on our own is something that has bothered me my entire life. Thank you, original Disney classics (except "The Lion King").

Last year, I had planned to go on a trip by myself to Europe. I was scolded by my parents, and I was told if I met someone within the next year or so, I could go the following summer with my new boyfriend. Essentially, the message I received was this: If I had someone by my side, then I would be able to travel and live my dreams.

What a lesson.

People can love different parts of you, but they will never see all of who you are. So why give them the power to make you feel safe and loved, when it's only based on how they perceive you?

It's a different kind of life for a single woman today.

When we're in relationships, we run on autopilot, and time seems to move swiftly and effortlessly. But when we're single, it seems like time stops, and every day is a struggle to stay strong. We simply think we can't rescue ourselves.

These are the reasons why:

1. We want to be cradled from reality.

None of us want to accept the truth we're all alone in life. We use other people and social media as distractions, just to avoid this simple truth.

We don't avidly hang out with people because we care about them or because we want to create new memories with them. We seek others when we're bored, and when we're faced with ourselves in quiet moments and need to escape.

2. We think we don't hold the keys to our hearts.

Love isn't simply something that happens to you. Love is always a choice.

We fall in love with assh*les, even though we know they're not right for us. Yet, we stick around because we know we can't make it on our own. We think our lives would just be too empty without them.

We let our emotions drive us wherever they please, instead of making well-thought-out decisions to benefit our hearts and the quality of our lives.

3. We believe in fairytales.

Your prince can hold you in his arms until the sun comes up, but he won't be everything you want and deserve. We have this expectation for men to come into our lives and save us from ourselves and our lonely existences.

But they are not our heroes. They will disappoint us. And we will disappoint ourselves from time to time.

There is no saving. There is no happily ever after. And we shouldn't expect anything more than that.

We can certainly try to be our own heroes, but that's a lot of pressure to put on ourselves (or anyone else, for that matter).

We need to take situations as they are, we need to accept ourselves and our flaws, and we need to stop wishing for other people to come along and make us better. 

It's not about saving ourselves.

Rather, it's about taking control of our lives. And we should not stand for any bullsh*t that comes in our way.