After a string of hazy nights and random adventures and lost earrings and flirty glances, you’ve finally admitted to yourself you’ve come undone. You’re letting it all hang out.
No cares, zero f*cks and middle fingers abound: This is you, your life, and you’re doing what feels right, right in this moment in time.
And if it’s wrong, well that’s even better.
You’ve just come undone. You’re through trying to keep up with the maintenance of being a woman with face masks, stockings without pulls and hair that doesn’t frizz and knot in places. The only thing you DIY now is your life.
You don’t have time or energy left over from late nights and puzzled thinking to take off your chipped nail polish and reapply again, much less watch an entire episode of whatever latest TV show is getting America off.
You would go vegan, though, except you can’t afford to be that picky in life.
It’s not quite bohemian, and it’s not quite losing your sh*t -- more like just not having it all together and embracing that.
Up until now, you’ve been a spindle of tightly wound fibers, and now you’ve pulled the thread that’s undone it all.
Feels good to come loose again, doesn’t it?
Here are some signs you’re a woman who's come undone:
1. Your needs are primal
You realize you can survive anywhere. You've become a minimalist by habit, but now you're prepared for any environment; you're a survivor.
2. You haven’t washed your hair in…
Ugh, you can’t even remember because it’s full of experiences.
3. “Liquids” have replaced “fruits and vegetables” in your food pyramid
The only fresh you’re familiar with is the kind that comes from a spray bottle. Hey, a Febreeze-d life is a charmed life, too.
4. You don’t have a "functioning..."
(Pick three or more) Phone Relationship (excluding with yourself... you guys are pals) Sleep schedule Toothbrush Work-life balance (in the wrong direction…) Childhood (that according to some, you’re still living) Pair of shoes to walk the distances you do around town Gym membership
5. You don’t know how to censor yourself
You’ve lost your filter and your ability to keep it in. There’s no holding back now and when your opinions are this good, why would you anyway?
6. Your definition of “decency” doesn’t include underwear
It is both very loud and very pubic. Oops, we mean public.
7. Sweatpants are not saved for the couch
They’re actually all that fits you right now. So what if you sometimes sacrifice fashion for comfort... there's no shame in the cozy game.
8. You exist solely because your friends are professionals who are willing to help you
Thank goodness someone went to law school in your crew. Your hairdresser owes you one, and that’s how you got hair that makes you look like you have your sh*t together. It is the generosity of others that keeps you from moving elsewhere.
9. The only care you’ve got is where the next recycling bin is
For the empty bottles and food eaten on-the-go. You’re moving through life just trying to enjoy it, not bogged down by waste.
10. You haven’t conditioned pretty much anything in weeks
Your hair, your legs... your mind to start treating yourself better. You’re just letting it all air out. You’ve been conditioned long enough, you can use a change.
11. You don’t respond to people just to be polite
You don’t even like people for the most part, and for most of the time. Why start pretending now?
12. You are perfectly comfortable in your nomadic lifestyle
Carrying your life in your purse and not seeing home until 48 hours later is your norm. You aren’t used to sitting still or sticking to a schedule, despite badly wanting one to keep you on track.
13. Most of your clothes are stained
That’s either because you have yet to find the time to wash them or because you are not one of those people who can eat without spilling something on yourself. And that’s the least of your concerns.
14. Your life feels a lot harder than other people’s
Perhaps it’s because you don’t even wear coats anymore and consider Candy Crush a viable form of exercise. Hey, your thumbs have never looked leaner.
15. Sex is part of your vitals
They call it “sexual health” for a reason: Because it’s good for your health and helps all your other body parts function properly.
16. You don’t eat things that don’t come from plastic
Bags, boxes, Tupperware. If it’s not covered with at least a little BPA, you get nervous you haven’t gotten your vitamins for the day.
17. You’ve started receiving “we miss you” texts from your friends
You’ve basically gone rogue. No one knows where to find you, and that’s exactly how you like it. Just going where the wind and air and happiness takes you.