Why We’re Never Getting Married And Why We’re Okay With It


Ladies, let’s talk candidly for a moment. Let’s talk about what we’re all thinking. Let’s talk about the thought that’s crossed all our minds, maybe not right now, maybe not in 20 minutes, but at least once today. Hell, maybe even twice; maybe when you’re on the toilet or stepping out of the shower, ashamed to look in the mirror because your boobs always look smaller when they’re wet.

Let’s talk about that feeling you might get when you’re sitting home in your apartment drinking $12 Argentinian wine with the name of bad Spanish sitcom, like "Lopez & Haro" (which you bought because it reminds you of your semester in Barcelona when you only spoke Spanish to find drugs and bars).

I bet you know the feeling I’m talking about now. Still no? Okay, let’s try this again. It’s that feeling you’ve come to live with, accepted slowly, day by day, the way one accepts his or her presumed fate of death. It’s that feeling deep down as you watch couples kiss on the subway, or a man smooth away the hair of the woman in his arms as they stand on the corner of 56th and Madison, embracing twice before the light changes and you can't stop looking.

It’s the feeling you get when a boy takes you out to dinner, sleeps with you and never calls. It’s the feeling you get when your boyfriend comes home with the scent of a woman on his faded jeans. It's the feeling you get when he doesn’t answer your calls and you know it’s because he’s over you; you feel stupid because you felt him slowly drifting away for months. It’s the goddamn feeling you get when you’ve spent seven months with your roommate, telling each other that men are hamsters and you’re never getting married.

That’s right, we’re never getting married and we’re okay with it. Say it over and over again until it becomes a truth that no longer bears down on you. Because we’re a generation that learned from our parents, watched their mistakes and their failures and evolved from them.

We are progressive and we are strong. We aren’t women who validate our life’s worth by the acquisition of a man. We are independent adults with our own dreams, goals and desires. We have passions and talents outside of being married.

We're Disillusioned By It

Why would we want to get married? So we can split up all the furniture and fight over who will keep the dog? So we can ignore each other, refusing to talk at our own kid’s graduation? So we can turn into strangers who hate the sound of the other’s cough?

So we can find another woman on our man’s mind? So our children can ask why their parents don't live together? We’re going to raise kids without the normal structure of the absent father and philandering man because we’re smarter than they were before.

We’ve seen the evidence and made rational decisions based on fact, the fact that marriage isn’t the answer for us. Marriage, much like a VCR, is an outdated notion from our parents' generation that we no longer see the need for in our lives.

We Can Also Have Casual Sex

We are going to follow our hearts and our desires, indulging in relationships and bonds but never vows. We don't need a man in our beds to feel loved or comforted.

We have our own outlook on sex, and we can have it just as casually as they do. We have accepted the idea of friends with benefits as a more solid foundation for a partner than anything else.

We understand that monogamy is becoming an outdated ideal that we don't have to conform to anymore than men do.

We Don't Need A Man To Feel Fulfilled

Unlike our predecessors, we don't value our worth on a man's presence in our life. Today, women are celebrated for their professional successes much more than their personal ones. It's more important to find a career and a passion than it is to find a guy.

When the sh*t hits the fan and your relationship implodes, your career, your hobbies and your work will still be there, and that will define you. As men continue to disappoint us, more and more women are finding solace in their own talents.

We're Better Than They Are

They're assh*les, losers, douchebags, tools or entitled mamas' boys who were raised to believe they are God's gift and we are theirs. Unfortunately for them we've learned a lot about men over the years and this knowledge has rooted a deep distrust, as well as a freeing truth that men aren't always going to make you happy, and sometimes, life is better without them.

We're not those women who need men to fulfill us, nor are we women who are going to stand by while men try to domesticate us. Settling isn't something that comes as naturally as it did in high school when you didn't know what you were looking for or what a douchebag actually was.

We know what we want now and don't mind being single until we find it.

We Don't Need A Man To Have A Family

Maybe it's due to the fact that we're the children of the test tube baby, but we're no longer under the pressure of finding a man in order to have a child.

We can now have a baby whenever we are ready and even without the complications of finding a father. Science has relieved us of the overwhelming pressure of settling down and getting married before our child-rearing years have passed.

We can start a family on our own, without having to give up anything for it, including our single status.

We Like Being Alone

Independent women aren't easily ready to start changing their ways to accommodate for someone else. We've been living on our own for a while and won't easily give up that freedom.

We like being messy, not shaving our legs, washing the sheets twice a year and keeping the tampon box out. We want to decorate according to our style and won't easily give up our side of the bed. There's a freedom and a luxury to living alone that we wouldn't spoil for a man.

Men Aren’t What We Thought

It’s not just because they’ve broken our hearts; we just really don’t like them anymore, as people. They aren’t the genuine, strong, passionate men we once imagined marrying while playing Barbies with our best friend.

They aren’t the morally grounded and sophisticated gentlemen who will challenge us and love us even in our ugliest moments. They’ve disappointed us, leaving us wanting nothing from them beyond their presence.

Top Photo Credit: Smart Bride Flickr