We Know You Don't Have A Man: The Signs You Know You're Single

by Ashley Fern

Being single is usually a nice blessing, especially at this age. It can be a great experience and don’t let anyone try and tell you otherwise. You have endless opportunities to take advantage of and the best part is you don’t need to verify your actions with anyone.

We have all had that friend who starts to suck once he or she gets into a relationship. That friend isn't the same person that he or she used to be when single. All you’re left with is a distant memory of this awesome person you used to hang out with. Unfortunately, many people, both male and female, tend to get so wrapped up in relationships that they lose sight of who they truly are.

You can always tell who is in a relationship when you are out at night. This person is usually relatively sober, and checking his or her phone every five minutes, #loser. But how can you tell if a person is single? If a guy or a girl is clearly blacked out stumbling through the bar, well, yeah, chances are that person is single.

Does it sound like you? Take a look below at the satirical signs you know you're single:

It doesn’t alarm you when you go out with 38% phone battery

If you’re in a relationship, it's basically an unwritten rule that your phone has to be fully charged before you go out for the night. How is your significant other supposed to keep track of you if your phone is on the verge of dying? Their mind starts creating the worst-case scenarios that will undoubtedly turn into a drunken fight. Oh, how I miss those days. NOT. Psh, ain’t nobody got time for that.

You never get texts after 10 p.m. during the week

The only texts you get after 10 p.m. during the week are from…nope not anyone. All your friends are exhausted from work and caught up in their post work routine. As you get older, the meaningless texts from your friends begin to dwindle as everyone starts to settle into their own patterns. If you are meeting up with them for happy hour, chances are these plans were made way earlier in the day.

“There's a guy out there for everyone! But the guy for you is in a long-term relationship with someone else right now. Sorry.”- @YourExGirlfriend

Your ideal Friday consists of Seamless and Netflix

Why go out when you can stay in and be comforted by Seamless and Netflix? Your options are endless -- between food and TV shows. The best part is that no one is there to judge you! Doesn’t that sound so much more appealing than spending hours getting ready? Isn’t it easier to just throw on your favorite sweats and TV show and call it a wrap?

You’ve alienated all of your wifed up friends

What fun is it to go out with a bunch of wifed up people when you know at the end of the night you’re going home alone? Very rarely are your friends the same people they once was in all their single glory. Sometimes you just want to go out with people of your own kind so you don’t feel like the odd one out.

You’ve stopped shaving your legs

Basically all personal hygiene has gone out the window. You’ve tried impressing people and it hasn’t worked, so why even bother? The pizza you are ending up with at the end of the night sure doesn’t give a sh*t about the last time you got a Brazilian wax or a haircut. Plus it’s not like the actors on whatever Netflix show you’re watching can see what you look like anyway.

Your friends stop asking about your love life

Your friends have basically realized that you’re single and that’s not going to change anytime soon. Your continuous complaints about being celibate are enough to suppress any questions they would’ve asked. If someone meaningful came into your life, they would be the first to know.

You don’t know what sport season it is

The only reason most chicks know what the hell is going on with sports is because their boyfriends force them to watch them. If you’re single, you have no obligation whatsoever to know what team is playing which sport on which night on any given week.

You’re not even excited about getting your period

You’re not even nervous anymore because you can’t remember the last time you had sex. No longer are you biting your nails in anticipation of that monthly visitor. Birth control? Psh, you stopped talking that sh*t months ago.

Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It