Do You Even Lift? 10 Types Of Trainers You Always Encounter At The Gym
Any true couch potato will tell you the struggle is real: Hauling ass to a workout class is straight up one of the hardest things you can ever force yourself to do.
If you’re lacking in the motivation department, don’t sweat it — your instructor will be on your ass the moment you walk in.
From making sure your form is in check during pushups to nearly making you cry on the treadmill -- and actually succeeding once or twice -- take comfort in the fact that you're not alone.
While you apprehensively lace up your Nike Free Runs and prepare for another session with your psycho trainer, just know every fitness guru has his or her own unique personality, and we've seen them all.
Here are the 10 types of trainers you always encounter at the gym:
1. The Sweat Machine
We get it, it can get super hot under those spotlights, but there's absolutely no excuse for sweat drops on your arm as you try to contort yourself into a proper push-up position.
That’s what those scented towels in the bathroom are for.
The sub-category of the sweat machine is even worse: the spitmaster. There's a reason that entire front row is empty and it's not because everyone's a newbie.
Trainers: Take the hint and swallow before you speak.
2. The One That Obviously Got High Before Class
Sure, yoga is ultra-zen and all that, but seriously — no one is that into child's pose.
Trigger warning: That goofy smirk on his face as he tries to walk you through crow pose only to start laughing once he tells you to spread your legs like wings over your elbows.
3. The Billboard
Yes, we know that your gym is having a promotion for the month of December. Sure, we're all about getting our resolutions in check in January.
Beware this PR mastermind: he’ll send you 18 messages in the month of February reminding you that bikini season is "just around the corner."
Our bodies don’t care, Fabio, and neither do our bikinis.
4. The Panty-Dropper
Wait, is this guy a trainer or a male model? When he “accidentally” grabs your boob while helping you aim your punches, is it okay to kind of like it?
This guy might be great in theory, but all you’ll focus on during your burpees is the fact that your stomach is showing and your sports bra is giving you armpit cleavage.
5. The Drill Sergeant
Wait, is this Barry's Bootcamp or Fort Jackson? Hope you like your trainer’s voice because they’ll be screaming bloody murder into that mic all session long.
On the plus side, you'll probably be scared sh*tless of him, so you might actually do something during your workout. Or you'll just spend it all crying in the locker room.
6. The One That Went to India and Wants Everyone to Know
This chick met the Dalai Lama, did naked yoga in Timbuktu and scaled Kilimanjaro.
Great, we're happy for you, but we don’t care if you can recite ancient Sanskrit and know the real way to do tree pose. Let us do our half-assed downward dog and get on with it.
7. The One Drinking Way Too Much Juice
Not to be confused with the Drill Sergeant. Last time we checked, it’s SoulCycle, not 1OAK. Put down the protein powder and your green juice -- we're not training for the Olympics.
It's time to calm down and leave the fist-pumping for the Jersey Shore boys.
8. The Touchy-Feely Dude
Um, is that your hand on my — yes, that’s your hand on my ass. Rude? Nice?
Whatever, if he looks like Ryan Gosling, it doesn't matter. Touch me all you want, Ry Gos.
9. The One That Makes You Want To Cry Yourself to Sleep
We're happy you're so into your job you feel the need to make everyone else feel like a worm.
We’re just trying to burn off that donut we had for lunch, not training for a triathlon! Let us live!
10. The Serial Texter
The only thing getting him pumped right now is the blonde babe he just swiped right on Tinder.
What's arguably worse than the serial texter, however, is the serial selfie snapper. Dude, we can totally tell you're flexing in that photo. Also, no one cares.