Hey, women of the world, has anyone ever told you to relax? More than likely, the answer to this question is yes and you are well aware of how horrible it is to hear these words said to you.
It doesn't matter if it's your boyfriend or your parents telling you this; the point is, no one wants to hear it and it will only elicit the opposite reaction. Being told to relax basically insinuates that you're crazy for reacting in the manner you did.
When someone is freaking out at you, it is only natural to tell this person to calm down, but when someone is pissed, this is the last thing she wants to hear.
In that moment, this woman feels as if her emotions are completely justified and you uttering this phrase basically nullifies and invalidates them.
Maybe this woman really needs to relax, but if that's what you want, this is the last thing you should say to her. Sounds ridiculous, right? Well, as ridiculous as it sounds, it's true.
Why do women (and most other people) hate being told to relax? Here's why:
1. It insinuates she's crazy.
She is not crazy; she is pissed. There is a huge difference, but for some reason, it's easier to call a woman crazy than to attempt to understand where she is coming from.
By telling a woman to relax, you are basically telling her that the way she is feeling is unjustified. You're saying the way she feels is completely wrong and that the situation at hand far from merits this reaction.
The only thing you are ensuring in this situation is that you are about to see her at her "craziest."
2. It ensures she will do the opposite.
Nothing makes a woman more agitated than being told to relax. Do you really think telling a woman to calm down is going to result in her actually calming down?
"Like, wow, boyfriend/friend/parent. Thank you so much for telling me to relax! Without you, I would be going batsh*t crazy right now."
No, that never happens. Instead what will happen is, she will spiral even more out of control.
3. It's condescending.
Let's be real for just a moment. Do you know anyone who has ever actually relaxed after being told to relax? By telling a woman to chill out, you will come across as a person who isn't taking her feelings seriously enough.
The reality is, the reason it got to this extreme level is that you weren't taking her emotions seriously enough in the first place. This woman has no choice but to make an extra effort to get her point across.
While you continue to play into this vicious cycle, you will dance in circles while all logic essentially gets tossed out the window.
4. Women don't like being told what to do.
You know what one of the most annoying things in a relationship is? Being told what to do. It doesn't matter what the situation is; women hate being told what to do.
We weren't put on this planet to serve your needs, so if you want something done, go do it yourself. Don't tell us to relax while we're trying to explain ourselves.
5. It feels like you're judging us.
Is judging people still a thing? By using the phrase "calm down," you are basically making yourself seem superior to the person in question.
It implies the person giving this advice is a calm and collected person who could never, in a million years, relate or understand the problem the other person is having. Instead of rushing to judgment, people should try to empathize.
Top Photo Credit: We Heart It