The Honest Love/Hate Relationship Every Woman Has With Birth Control
Birth control is kind of like the boyfriend you keep breaking up with, only to get back together again. We have such a strong love/hate relationship with it that there are times when we question why we’re even on it.
And then we see a young mom in the heat of bikini season pushing double strollers and talking about sexual predators in gymnastics class and we remember how much we love our petite packs of foreign hormones.
Having to take it every day gives us something to complain about always. Here’s the breakdown on our love/hate relationship with birth control pills:
Feeling grateful every day that you’re not pushing a stroller: LOVE
You don’t appreciate being a childless, free-spirited 20-something until you have to babysit for extra cash and realize kids ruin more than just your freshly painted walls… They also squash real dreams like running away and joining the circus. Birth control provides another kind of security that a mere cuddle afterwards can’t.
Remembering to take it every day: HATE
Pretty sure all of our male coworkers either falsely believe we have a prescription pill problem or really bad daily migraines because we’re popping these bad boys like they're Nicorette gum.
Having to slyly whip out your pack in the most inconvenient situations is reason enough to forget to take it. Why can’t they come in cool cases like iPhones do?
Saving money on tampons: LOVE
Shorter and lighter periods not only means you can wear white pants stress-free, but also means that you’re not going through multiple boxes of tampons.
What is wrong with the world that sanitary products cost more than a drink and a one-night stand...
Thinking you will glow in the dark when you are 60 from hormones: HATE
Despite studies suggesting that birth control is completely safe, we have our reservations. Our grandparents have to take pills every day, too, and they don’t look healthy at all.
Caring about something in the upcoming elections: LOVE
I’ve never been super into politics (Does "House of Cards" count?), except when it comes to contraceptives.
It’s one subject that we actually know what we’re talking about, as opposed to say, some pious, obdurate politician stuck in the 1950s. But what do I know? I’m just a woman.
Being an emotional psycho on the wrong one: HATE
Man, we had no idea how depressed we were until… We suddenly became so depressed! I vividly remember borderline accosting a stewardess because she wouldn’t let me carry on my bag and then bursting into tears of confused joy when it finally fit into the overhead luggage.
At the time, I thought I was just stressed about the flight. Since switching my birth control I realize that I was straight-up LOSING IT.
If you’ve irrationally become an emotional basket case whose behavior is not unlike junkies on bath salts, maybe it’s time to switch.
Messing with it for the upcoming pool party: LOVE
You’re not 4 anymore. You can’t risk taking a leak in the pool.
Men asking if you are on the pill: HATE
A better question is: Do you have a condom? There are scary bugs getting tossed around called STDs, and we hear it’s really bad if you catch them.
Healthy side effects: LOVE
Here’s something that’s easy to swallow: The pill also has healthy side effects, like lowering the risks for ovarian and uterine cancer.
Picking up refills: HATE
It sucks when the antiquated pharmacists look at us like we’re sex workers. Uh, you’re just jealous because our skin is so clear and our boobs got bigger!
The ability to make excuses for your recent weight gain: LOVE
Who doesn’t love that?! (We’re talking about making excuses. The recent weight gain, uh, not so much…)
What does it say about our lives that the only thing we can really count on is our monthly period? And even that gets messed up sometimes…
Top Photo Courtesy: Flickr