Ladies, there’s a lot of confusion surrounding the topic of how we should interact and treat one another in the proper manner.
Fear not; I’ve been called to the mountaintop (or at least my editor’s desk) to get some clarification on the golden girl standard. Thus, I present to you, the Bra Code: 10 crack commandments that, by mere virtue of having a uterus, you should never disobey.
1. Thou shalt always like your BFF’s Instagram uploads
I mean, obviously. Your bestie has just bared her soul to, like, 105 followers -- maybe even in the form of a butt selfie or an attempted, artfully-crafted shot of her lunch at Le Pain Quotidien. Yes, it is boring, and yes, that filter makes her food look like barf. Either way, get over it and go for the double click.
2. Thou shalt not go to the bathroom without another friend
Like a good pack of wolves, we women should never have to travel alone to the bathroom. Whether it’s to spare your friend from fighting off dance floor Fabios by herself, or to gossip about the other people in attendance at your dinner date, it’s really best to conquer the ladies’ room together.
3. Thou shalt not hook up with your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend
Do women do this? If so, RUDE.
C’mon, ladies. When we tell our bawling best friend that there are other fish in the sea, let’s remember for ourselves that there are actually other fish in the sea -- literally thousands of them, swimming around, trying to get into our pants.
Hooking up with a friend’s ex is not only a girl code faux-pas, it’s also kind of creepy. Half the fun of starting a new relationship is getting to know the other person, which really defeats the purpose if your friend has already ranked him on a scale of one to 10, maybe even using bar graphs. You know you do this; don’t lie.
4. Thou shalt not say the “F” word
It really f*cking sucks when women call other women “fat.” We already deal with enough scrutiny and self-loathing. So let’s not even go there, okay?
5. Thou shalt always be thy best friend’s wingwoman
We’ve all been in the situation when a friend has been down and out, in need of a rebound, or simply on the prowl.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve already signed up for that early Saturday morning hot yoga class; when a fellow female asks this favor, you really should oblige, and not just because there is safety in numbers (please see Commandment #2).
If you’re out with your emotionally vulnerable/undersexed friend, you can help her make better life decisions (and avoid things like this).
6. Thou shalt encourage other women’s ambition
The debate has gotten heated and women have been bombarded with important questions over the last few years:
It’s still a man’s world out there, which is why any woman’s success should be viewed positively by the second (and, hello, greater) sex. Let’s be competitive with each other, but never conniving.
7. Thou shalt never leave a(n inebriated wo)man behind
While I would certainly never suggest that women stop getting drunk when they go out, be aware that when you do step (or wobble) into a public space, some men might try to take advantage of your inebriated state. Women can help avoid victimization by being aware of this fact and by looking out for one another.
According to a study in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol, nearly 75 percent of female college rape victims were intoxicated at the time of their attack.
So, the next time you’re made uncomfortable when you see an overly drunk girl with a guy at a bar, trust your intuition and say something. Better yet, put a stop to it. Better safe than sorry. I think it’s cool to c*ck block.
8. Thou shalt always share your clothes
Ladies, be a pal and always open up your wardrobe to your fellow female friends. Borrowing from a friend is like the poor man’s Rent the Runway: You get to debut a new look at no cost, with the added perk of getting ready with your bestie. But do follow proper sharing etiquette: Always be reciprocal, and never send back something smelly.
Beer will inevitably be spilled all over your Friday's finest when you go out on the town, so plan accordingly and make that Sunday morning dry cleaning drop.
9. Thou shalt never turn down wine
Find me a woman who doesn’t like a glass of wine (or four… oh wait, is that the whole bottle?) to end the day. Everyone from Kerry Washington’s cab sauv-guzzling TV character, to Sofia Coppola (whose dad apparently owns a “wine wonderland” with all sorts of bottles named after her) likes to imbibe.
So, whether you’re drinking a glass of Napa’s finest or enjoying a box of Franzia, know it’s perfectly normal (and honestly, preferred) to hit the bottle with your lady friends and then just stay home. You've got everything you need right there.
10. Thou shalt not treat other women disrespectfully (it gives men ideas)
Full disclosure, this last rule has totally been taken from E. Jean’s Basic Lady Code, but it’s stated too perfectly to go without re-posting.
There’s a lot of girl-on-girl hate out there, much of which has been prompted for no real reason. As Tina Fey wisely said in "Mean Girls" (Can you sense a major inspiration for this post?), we’ve “got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.”