#NoNewFriends: The 34 Signs You Are Actually Dating Your Best Friend
It's okay to be single at this point in your life, as many of us in our 20s are. With good friends by your side, who cares if you have a man in your life? Sure, your female BFF can't have sex with you, but hey, God gave you hands for a reason.
You spend your weeknights and weekends with her, she was your date to your uncle's wedding when you had no significant other, and you better believe she was the one holding your hair back when you had too much to drink. Here are 34 signs that you're dating your bestie:
1. You brag about her accomplishments as if they were your own.
She is your best friend, your other half; it's completely natural for you to celebrate her achievements! I mean, she's your sidekick and thus, a reflection of you... duh.
2. You're caught up on all the latest family drama.
You don't need clarification of whom your best friend is referring to when she's filling you in on all the family gossip. You obviously know Rachel is her brother's girlfriend and you know exactly which side of the family the crazy aunt is on.
3. You spend one night of the weekend blacking out together and the other night staying in, cuddled up, watching "Law & Order."
You and your bestie obviously need quality time together, especially after spending the prior night blacked out. What better way to enjoy each other's company than cozied up, watching your favorite TV show?
4. She is the one person you bitch to about anything and everything.
It doesn't matter if it's your parents, coworkers, boss or another friend who is pissing you off, your best friend is the girl you turn to with all your problems. It doesn't even matter if your problems are real or really stupid, your bestie is there to listen to whatever it is you have to vent about.
5. Her pain is your pain.
If the guy she likes f*cks her over, it's basically as if he f*cked you over, too. Solution? Alcohol, always...
6. You Instagram things that couples do.
The caption reads something along the lines of: "Saturday night in with my boyfriend @JenniferLawrence." You spend your days exploring Central Park together or having intimate nights at the bar.
7. You pay each other back through taxi fare and pizza.
You both have sh*t to do and places to be; there's no time to worry about who's paying for what. You know you're spending the rest of the day together, anyway; it'll even out in the end -- it always does.
8. If she doesn't text you back within two minutes, you bug the f*ck out.
Why aren't you answering me? I texted you a whole two minutes ago...
If she doesn't answer your text messages in a timely manner, the anxiety builds. You think, "Is she texting one of her other girl friends?" Unacceptable...
9. It's an unspoken rule of who brings the weed and who brings the wine.
Obviously, weed and wine are essentials in any friendship. I mean, how else are you two going to spend your free time? One of you is the professional joint roller, while the other sticks to uncorking the wine.
10. You have been each other's plus one to at least one dated function.
It's okay that onlookers think you're a pair of lesbians; it's not like you aren't used to it by now. Your family and friends are actually becoming somewhat concerned that you aren't even trying to find a life partner because your bestie is all you need.
11. You hate all of the same people.
Bonding over mutual hatred? The best of friendships were built on this principle. It's basically an unwritten rule: If you don't like someone, neither does your bestie. It doesn't matter that you aren't 13 years old anymore; it still happens.
12. If you show up to a pre-game alone, everyone asks where she is.
It's a rare, rare occasion that you show up somewhere without your other half; it's only normal for people to ask where she is. It's okay, guys! Relax! She's just going to meet us out, obviously...
13. You know each other's go-to meal and drink.
We ain't talking sushi; we're talking specifics. You know exactly which toppings she wants on her burger and which she does not. Furthermore, you know precisely the degree to which she wants said burger cooked -- medium, of course.
14. You know her post-work activity schedule.
Your bestie takes yoga at least four times per week, and you are more than aware she isn't looking at her cell until at least 10 pm.
15. You get jealous when she hangs with other girls and doesn't tell you.
Your heart breaks when you hear your best friend cracking an inside joke with another girl. This other girl is now your sworn enemy... but no one besides you will ever know.
16. She's your emergency contact on all forms, not your parents.
What if you have to get your stomach pumped? What if you accidentally take too much anti-anxiety medicine? You know your girl will come rushing to your side the second you're in trouble.
17. You actually designate who is the boyfriend and who is the girlfriend.
Obviously an essential part of being best friends is determining who's the boyfriend and who's the girlfriend. This is especially important when deciding who will be the big spoon and little spoon.
18. You've at least talked about getting a couple's massage together, if you haven't already done it.
What else are you supposed to buy each other as birthday gifts?
19. If you don't talk for 24 hours, you feel like she has to be mad at you.
It doesn't matter who sends the first text of the day when it comes to your best friend. There surely has to be something wrong if you haven't received a message from her all day, right? Well, she did send you a Snapchat this morning, so it can't be that serious... Ugh, life is so hard sometimes.
20. You spend Valentine's Day with each other.
If you're both single; how else are you going to celebrate? Bring on the chocolate, wine and rom-coms.
21. You're invited to each other's family dinners.
You're a poor, struggling 20-something, so you relish in the fact that when her parents come in to visit, they treat you to dinner. Your BFF is basically a part of your family, as well, so her invitation is implied when your parents visit.
22. You love sitting together and talking about how great your friendship is.
"Ugh, Nikki totally f*cked Jessica's boyfriend; their friendship sucks."
One of your favorite pastimes is comparing your other friends' relationships to yours; yours obviously wins every time.
23. You don't have to ask for plans; it's just automatically assumed.
It's getting closer to 5 pm on Friday by the second and you're just waiting for your friend to ask, "So what are we doing tonight?" It's not like you would ever go out without her!
24. You watch all of the same TV shows, so there is never any arguing over what to watch.
"Grey's Anatomy"? Check. "Law and Order"? Check. "Desperate Housewives"? Check.
25. You feel comfortable telling her when she needs to go on a diet, or when she needs to inhale a cheeseburger.
You probably know you need to lose those extra pounds, but the severity of the situation won't be confirmed until your BFF comments on it. It's okay; you can be mad at her for a few minutes, but trust me, you'll be thanking her later. The same goes for when your BFF is looking a little too Nicole Richie and needs to step up her J. Law and embrace her true figure. The key is finding a healthy balance. It's a good thing you're in this together.
26. You have accepted each other for all of your flaws.
There's no judgment in this friendship!
27. She consults with you before even considering dating an actual guy. (*Gasp* The nerve!)
Who else is she going to trust with an honest opinion on such an important manner? Likewise, she will lay out the hard truth for you and bring up things you may not want to face on your own, such as his back acne... gross.
28. You have a go-to outfit in her closet.
You have the perfect idea of what kind of outfit you want to rock that night. The trouble is, nothing in your closet is doing the trick. Obviously, you know the entire catalog of what's hanging in your best friend's closest... problem solved.
29. When you talk to your parents, they ask how she is doing.
Normally, parents will ask about how your significant other is doing, but in your case, they know much, much better.
30. Every TBT Instagram you've ever posted is of the two of you.
What more could you want to reminisce about besides the two of you wilding out in Acapulco during spring break in college?
31. When you have sleepovers, you know who the big spoon is and who the little spoon is.
Boyfriend = Big Spoon; Girlfriend = Little Spoon. See #17 for clarification.
32. Only her advice matters.
It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate; her opinion is what matters most, so obviously you're going to listen to what she has to say.
33. She screenshots your ugliest snaps.
Every girl knows the best way to cheer herself up on a bad day is to scroll through the ugliest, yet funniest, pictures of her best friend.
34. At the end of the night, you know who you're going home with.
The answer: Your BFF and a huge-ass pizza pie -- as if there were any other option!
Top Photo Courtesy: Instagram