The 20 Things Only Your Partner-In-Crime Knows About You
You wouldn't be the woman you are today if you didn't have one other lady to indulge your wildest behaviors. She's your partner-in-crime, the girl who doesn't bat an eyelash when you suggest something outlandish -- like hijacking your neighbor's mail just to get him to come over. The woman who is always down to get in on the fun because you're a part of it.
She's the Bonnie to your Clyde. The Laverne to your Shirley. You two are a classic and your shenanigans are timeless.
When we're older and our children don't believe that we were once cool, your partner-in-crime will be the one to back you up. Start scrapbooking.
Here are 20 things that only your PIC knows (but will gladly share during her wedding speech):
1. Which bars you’re banned from
She either watched you get booted from the bar or was right in the holdlock getting carried out next to you. Between the two of you, there are a few choice places where your faces are posted on a "Do Not Serve List." But it’s not like you’d want to go back to those lame joints anyway, so take that! (Insert PIC appropriately raising her fist in solidarity.)
2. What really went down with the now-famous lacrosse player in college
...But a good PIC would never tell anyone that he briefly cried during the middle of it. Suckers.
3. Your natural singing abilities
Like when you sang on the street walking home drunk and someone gave you money. Or how you sound in the shower. She’s thankful that the club music is loud enough to drown out your botched rendition of "Sweet Caroline." But she loves you enough to tolerate your dressing room serenades and radio singalongs.
4. When you thought hitchhiking was cool
Oh, to be 19 and thinking you are invincible because you still have a permanent home address. Getting into strangers’ cars to go home was definitely an "oops," but then again so were your outrageously high platforms in the first place.
5. The gross food combinations you only eat in secrecy
If most people knew how obsessed you are with tuna melts dipped in marinara, they wouldn’t come over for dinner anymore. Your PIC, however, understands the importance of red sauce and won’t judge your liberal use of condiments. Especially when she’s drunk eating chicken gyro with soy sauce packets.
6. The time you bummed a cigarette off a homeless man
It could have been much worse -- like drugs or hepatitis. And you would have offered your partner-in-crime one, but you didn’t want to be greedy.
7. The pills you are actually prescribed
If only because she wants to add to her own collection…
8. The owner of the biggest package that you’ve slept with and exact measurements
As if you could ever forget. When the going gets tough, she’s there to remind you that you’ve climbed much bigger, longer and harder mountains.
9. The cop you flashed in the car on your road trip
You know you’ve got a bonafide PIC when other people are horrified at your behavior and she’s proud. And she’ll come to your defense when dealing with dissenters. “In LARG’s defense, the cop totally enjoyed it.”
10. Your boot and rally count
She is the only person who finds this feat impressive. Everyone else just thinks you need to turn in the glow sticks.
11. Where to find you on a Saturday morning
Even when you don’t know where you are.
12. The time you did something sexually inappropriate in the back of a cab
This is why she won’t let you be her child’s godmother. And why she gives you side-eyes when you say things like, “I’m drinking prosecco because I’m classy.”
13. The embarrassing people you’ve crushed on
No matter how many times you insist that it was merely “abroad goggles,” she won’t let you live down your unexplainable love for the long-haired ogre you met in Spain.
14. The bodily function accident that almost ruined you
The keyword is “almost” here and we’re going to keep it that way. The day she gave you her pants and wore her shirt as a dress was the day she became your official partner-in-crime.
15. Your Plan B
Or more specifically, the answer to “Should I take it?” The PIC is like flour -- all-purpose.
16. Your programmed Pandora stations
Because she has the same ones. Who taught you “the soulja boy” first?
17. Your habit of taking off your shoes and walking home barefoot from the club
Hmm, #4, are we sensing a pattern here? She’s not above documenting photographic evidence for her personal iPhone blackmail, however.
18. Who you left the club with
Someone has got to keep track of your whereabouts! When you’re trying to piece together your night on Sunday morning, she’s there to SVU the morning crime scene that is your memory.
19. Your irrational fear of being rejected by the bouncer
She’s watched you weasel your way to the front of an Avicii concert during “Levels” in Atlantic City; you got this.
20. How much you love that she thought of you while reading this
Enough to share it on your Facebook wall! (Hint, hint...)
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr