Maybe you get along with boys better than you get along with girls, or maybe, a spot simply opened up in a house of guys and you jumped at the opportunity for cheap rent, a perfect location and all the beer your little heart desires. Whatever the reason was for your living arrangements, here are some things you may have encountered while living with guys:
1. Shower Beers
There is nothing like a cold beer in a hot shower. Fact. This was a new concept to me when I began living with boys, and I’ve definitely adopted the practice. If you have never indulged in a shower beer, do it now. You're welcome.
2. The Dish-Tower-Of-Doom
This is especially terrifying when your house did not come equipped with a dishwasher. I’m not saying that this type of dish disaster only happens in houses with boys — I am especially guilty of this. While living with boys, however — it turned into a game.
Whoever placed the last dish, which knocked over the massive "dishocolypse" that formed in the sink throughout the three weeks between washes, had to initiate the dish clean and removal event (which usually means the four of us are crammed in the kitchen with different duties: wash, rinse, dry, etc.
Oh, and usually accompanied by the score from "Indiana Jones," "Star Wars" or any other John Williams works. Oh, and also, beer.)
3. House Motto: "Let's Get Wasted"
If I was to move in with these "band of brothers," I had to pull my weight — I had to keep up and I absolutely needed to be able to shotgun a beer.
Was this a one-of-the-boys-esque rites of passage? I'm not entirely sure, but I still, to this day, can confidently shotgun a beer without assistance.
Night or day, whether it was time for class, or the night before you had to take your little sister to her first ballet recital, there was always time to drink.
4. Remote Control Helicopters
Did I ever get to play? Nope. See number 9.
Well actually, sports in general. If perhaps, you didn't live with boys who like sports, there is always something else, like maybe Settler's of Catan or other crazy board game with a crazy list of rules.
There's always something. Something you don't understand right away, where the rules either have to be explained, or the key players have to be pointed out.
For me, it was sports. I used to enjoy it, but somehow, vicious screams from the couch and pleas of "can we please just change it?" were ignored.
6. The Inevitable "Oops, I saw you naked, now what?" Conversation
It's inevitable, but no less embarrassing. How do you start this conversation? A house meeting? Do we address this publicly or not? Ignore it? How'd I look? Just kidding!
7. George Foreman Grills And Whey Protein
8. Helping Hands: Spiders, Jars And Heavy Lifting
Now, I have never tried to fill the "damsel in distress" kind of role, but when there is a spider the size of Cuba crawling its way across your ceiling and you're too short to reach it with your frantically-fashioned paper towel-killing device, one of your tall male roommates is the obvious solution.
9. "No Ovaries Allowed": Getting Left Out
There will always be things in which you, as a lady, will not be included. Whether it's the fort they built in the middle of the room or the gym excursion they conveniently left for 3 minutes before you got home or bar escapade where having a girl as a "wingman" is just not appropriate, there are just things for which your femininity has no place. You also become the center of jokes — something for which you must develop thick skin.
10. Getting Even: Prank Wars
When you feel you have been wronged (see above) you decide to get even. Fill their rooms with balloons, perhaps. Leaving feminine hygiene products out in plain view (the horror!).
Hide the remote. This is a slippery slope because any of these will most definitely lead to retaliation, and trust me, when boys come together to pull off a prank, you will most certainly lose.
11. Running Out Of Your Shampoo Or Conditioner And Resorting To The "Mens 2 in 1" Bullsh*t
The infamous "this product cleans your hair, body and nether regions, ALL IN ONE!" If you are desperate enough to even consider using this mysterious liquid, you might as well use the bar of soap. That stuff does NOTHING for your voluptuous hair.
12. Mean Girls
These are the girls who show up at your house party. They are clearly not aware of your existence, or they’re just ignoring you.
They scowl at you because they were standing between you and the fridge and you just casually tried to maneuver your way through. They'll judge you hard and be like "YOU live here?" when you reveal you're just another roommate.
13. “Tosh.0,” “The League” And Other Gems Of Television
This could be one of the BEST parts of living with dudes. There is nothing better than hilarious television that makes you uncomfortable, laugh and cringe all at the same time. You're allowed to laugh at the crass, and even sometimes, sexist jokes.
However, after the eighth night in a row of “Workaholics” and “South Park,” sometimes you just have to crawl into bed with headphones in and quietly sob to “Sixteen Candles” while eating ice cream. Alone. In the dark. That's normal right?
14. The Passive Aggressive "GET YOUR GROSS RAPUNZEL HAIR OUT OF OUR SHOWER" Note
This might be the primary complaint of boys everywhere in regard to girl roommates. It is always unintentional. It's like we have conditioned ourselves to be desensitized to the jungle of hair that riddle drains, shower walls and sinks.
Do we enjoy being surrounded by our filamentous biomaterial? No. Did we leave it there on purpose? Nope. We will, however, lash out with "THEN LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT DOWN OR SO HELP ME GOD" type of notes.
15. The Inevitable "You're crying and mopey so we bought you ice cream because we didn't know what else to do" Situation
So, you weren't able to hide that you just broke up with your boyfriend of six years or that your boss yelled at you today. That's okay. Your guy roomies may not want to hear what’s wrong, but they do detect the mood shift, and boy, does it scare them.
Most of the time they will address it and sometimes they'll yell at you to “GET OVER IT.” But, other times, on rare occasions, they will confront you with gifts of ice cream, cake or -- best of all hard -- alcohol. Cherish these moments.
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