With the popularity of Instagram and Tinder, we've become very reliant on visuals as a society. We have to scroll through Facebook photos before deciding if we want to go on a "blind" date.
We troll social media accounts to see what our friends are up to, instead of calling to say what's up.
Because of this phenomenon, now more than ever, the way you visually present yourself on dating apps and social media and the greater Internet has become a huge factor in (trying to) determine who you really are. Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words.
Using photos, we want to present ourselves in an attractive way. While some of us achieve this through Photoshop, others use visual context to do the personal describing for us (e.g. travel pics, food pics, party pics).
And sometimes, we even use other people to help our audiences fill in the blanks.
Here are all the things you can tell about a man based on the photos he posts with other women.
The one with 20 women around him
What He’s Trying to Say: I am an extraordinarily desirable and wanted man. You can look, but I don’t touch.
What It Actually Means: I don’t actually bang any of these people.
Conclusion: The only girls this guy is interested in are those who are dumb enough to tolerate his misplaced ego and believe his terrible social media photos.
The guy in a big group of medium-not-hot girls
What He’s Trying to Say: I can get any girl I want as long as she’s a six or under. All hard 5’s, please, come at me, bro.
What It Actually Means: I regularly bang all of these people.
Conclusion: You’ll have to try on his sex goggles for size before you stoop to these low standards.
The one with grandma
What He’s Trying to Say: Talk to me! I’m sweet and sensitive because I patiently coerced grandma into taking a selfie.
What It Actually Means: I’m trying way too hard for attention. With her soft face and saggy features, everyone always looks hot next to Grandma.
Conclusion: This dude is totally exploiting his elderly and pawning off her age. Obviously Grandma looks funny in a Snapchat with the word “twerk” next to her. Can you be more original next time?
The one with the ex-girlfriend from four years ago
What He’s Trying to Say: I am so over it, I haven’t updated my profile picture because really, who cares about that petty stuff anymore? I just happen to look good here.
What It Actually Means: I haven’t gone on social media since the breakup. It’s too painful.
Conclusion: He’s not attentive to anything or anyone. Probably why his ex broke up with him. Pass.
The one at the table with bottle models
What He’s Trying to Say: I definitely didn’t pay these people to hang out with me.
What It Actually Means: You’re not fooling anyone.
Conclusion: This guy needs more help than what he currently gets from his parents to pay the credit card bill. He needs to get laid for real. And not by a Grey Goose bottle.
The one that’s super cuddly
What He’s Trying to Say: I am taken and despite losing my manhood, I like it… kind of like a Bar Mitzvah photo.
What It Actually Means: I am whipped.
Conclusion: His current girlfriend has parental controls over his Facebook. Don’t bother sending a message.
The one that always has two components: a girl and a sporting game
What He’s Trying to Say: I am a sporty shorty with a side piece that’s better than your side piece.
What It Actually Means: I am a basic bro.
Conclusion: If you want to be in a totally predictable relationship that requires you to conform to traditional gender roles, choose him.
The one with the best girl-who-is-a-friend
What He’s Trying to Say: See, I have proof! Girls like me.
What It Actually Means: I am f*cking with you.
Conclusion: You won’t know it until you’re in too deep anyway. Can’t say we didn’t warn you.
The one with a baby girl
What He’s Trying to Say: We’re looking for new nannies. Emphasis on “we.” I am part of a team now.
What It Actually Means: Stay away from me.
Conclusion: Unless you need a job or a guilty conscience, don’t offer your services.
The one with the partial view of a girl with a big ass in a club
What He’s Trying to Say: I think I’m just as important as this ass, slightly more.
What It Actually Means: I am a really heinous person, which is why I’ll let this ass do the talking.
Conclusion: Just like the butt in the photo, this guy is full of sh*t.
The one who is an overwhelming slideshow of selfies
What He’s Trying to Say: I think I’m really, really, ridiculously good-looking... As long as no one else is in the picture.
What It Actually Means: Some of these should have been deleted.
Conclusion: This guy either has lots of girlfriends or none at all. But his best friend is definitely a guy -- himself.
The one with a blowup doll
What He’s Trying to Say: I am funny and I’m not afraid to show it.
What It Actually Means: I am totally kidding. I don’t take myself or social media too seriously. Message me for my real relationship status.
Conclusion: Go for it! Your only competition is a doll.
The one with two women on either side of him in an event photo
What He’s Trying to Say: I want to be confused with Millennial start-up CEO.
What It Actually Means: I work in finance (pronounced like, fin-ance) and only got invited to this party because I did this CEO’s tax returns.
Conclusion: Sigh, you’re still not fooling anyone.