Baby Got Back: 4 Very Real Struggles Associated With Having A Nice Ass
In 1992, Sir Mix A Lot’s catchy tune, "Baby Got Back," spurred a physical whirlwind that placed a greater emphasis than ever before on the ass. From that point on, big butts have been on the ins and outs of what’s considered “hot.”
Women have been taught to celebrate their curves, and there have been various workout plans and operations implemented to achieve the perfect look to execute the iconic “bend and snap” move (works like a charm every time, might I add).
Ask any woman who has a great butt, and she'll tell you it’s one of her best material assets.
You can fill out a pair of jeans like no other, you’re carting around cake even when it isn’t your birthday and your twerking takes minimal effort. At the same time, it proves to be a double-edged sword for a handful of reasons:
1. “Size up” syndrome.
Unfortunately, as small as your waist is, you will always be forced to go a size up. This goes for everything from jeans to bathing suit bottoms. You may have the tiniest mid-section and the tightest abs known to man, but you will most likely never be a size 0.
In the event you attempt to buy pants that accurately reflect the size of your waist, you will face having to lay down on the floor and fight to pull them up and secure that button.
Any girl with a nice ass knows it was impossible to buy skinny jeans at Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister in high school. Sigh.
2. Even professional dress can look risqué.
You may be clad in a white button-down shirt and a black pencil skirt or a long-sleeved dress exposing zero skin, and your outfit still has the ability to look overtly sexy.
Your cleavage isn’t out to play, you’re fully covered and you aren’t revealing a sensational amount of leg — but that bump in the back cannot be ignored.
Clearly, you won't buy clothes that are too big or wear cardigans every day to cover that up. Celebrate your body, and work it.
At the same time, it can be somewhat of a nuisance and an unnecessary attention grabber, especially when you’re trying to convey a clean-cut, no-nonsense impression.
3. Having a personal audience at the gym.
You will never complete squats or deadlifts in peace. Once you get on the Smith Machine, there is an automatic line waiting behind you.
One second, you’re by yourself just monitoring your form in the mirror, and the next, you’re surrounded by men who are lifting way too closely to you.
Let’s not be naïve: They are focusing on your behind instead of your workout. You’ll even get those men who interrupt their workouts to simply stop and stare. They probably don’t realize what they’re doing since their one-track minds are focused on your booty.
When you’ve completed your workout and turn to walk away, they may feel somewhat dejected, as they are forced to actually lift (or pretend to lift) again. They hate to see you leave, but they love to watch you go.
One time, I went up to a guy at the gym who I caught consistently looking at me, gave him a thumbs up and said, “Thanks for watching!” Needless to say, he never stood behind me at the gym ever again.
4. You are a victim of the “casual grab.”
You’re chilling at the bar with your friends, laughing and having a great time when without warning, you feel a hand touch you on the small of your back (which is the “I’m totally into you” zone), and the hand gradually moves downward and — BAM! — a full-on ass grab takes place. This is usually followed up with a sly, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” and a cutesy smirk.
Hey, guy, you sure as hell saw me. Better yet, you saw my ass before you saw my face. The “casual grab” is never accidental. Instead, it is pre-meditated and executed with the intention the woman will respond with that sly smirk in perfect unison.
Here is a PSA for all men who think the grab is a great icebreaker: Tapping me on the shoulder and offering to buy me a drink is infinitely more effective. It's even a game changer, I'd say.
Moral of the story: Most people like big butts, and they cannot lie. Appreciate your curves, and exhibit them proudly when necessary. Just don’t be an ass about it.