When your boobs are not too big, but not too small, where exactly do you fall?
As adorable as that little catchy rhyming thing I did there was, the situation I am referring to is certainly less than adorable.
When it comes to medium-sized boobs, there are real struggles for a lady.
While some people might be under the VERY WRONG impression that having medium boobs means they're magically the same as some Three Bears bullsh*t (read: just right) -- what they actually are is boring.
Clothing is made for two types of people: ultra-thin models and ultra-curvy girls. So what happens when you're somewhere in the middle? Somewhere between a rail-thin, tit-less runway model and Nicki Minaj?
You’re not welcome in either club. Where do you belong? You don’t have a camp, and you have no one to relate to.
And believe me, there is nothing “just right” about that.
Here are 26 very real struggles of having medium-sized boobs:
1. You don't fit into the Big Butt Brigade or The Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
You feel left out and you have no allegiances, aka: no one to share your struggles with.
2. Bra shopping is always awkward.
It's almost like you kind of need one, but you don't feel like a priority to the saleswomen. You can’t go without one, but you can’t find the right one.
3. Your cleavage never impresses you (or anyone).
And push-up bras just feel like false advertising.
4. You rely on ass men.
Should you be so lucky to have that because your booty is probably also medium-sized... like everything else in your life. Really, you’re going more for a man who doesn’t particularly have a preference. (LOL forever!)
5. Nothing ever fits you properly.
Sample sizes are too tight because they were made for the chest-less and rail thin, but tight tops are saggy in all the weirdest places. You end up looking like a bowl of porridge either way.
6. Your boobs are just a wee bit too big to go braless or backless.
You can’t just fly free, but you’re so close to being there -- so on the cusp! And forget backless dresses, your tits are not standing up on their own to face that sh*t.
7. You don't have enough to support a tube top.
And yet, you've got too much for a halter-top.
8. Everything you wear is average.
There’s no “WOW!” factor in anything you dress yourself in. Never too tight, never too loose (except where it shouldn’t be). Lots of beige, I imagine.
9. Your bras never seem to quite do the job.
There will just always be either too much room between boob and pad or you boobs will be squeezing out of the cups.
10. When you lose weight, your boobs are the first thing to go.
Forget losing that FUPA once you dropped the carbs, your boobs deflated and now look like some sad 5-year-old's balloon three days after the county fair.
11. You have issues with proportions when it comes to clothes.
How much leg is appropriate here? How much on top? Why am I so frumpy right now? This oversized sweater looked amazing on the mannequin.
12. Your struggles are really just mildly problematic.
You never get to embrace the drama that is life, as much as you’d like to. Everything is simply a mild annoyance. Never horrible, never wonderful.
13. You feel inadequate on a topless beach.
They’re just — meh. Too saggy and too small.
14. No one's ever paying attention to your boobs.
They’re just... there. They don’t draw the eyes of males or females. If someone asked an acquaintance what they thought of your boobs, there's very little chance they'd have much to say on the subject. “Um, they’re okay?” *crickets*
15. You still feel like you're going through puberty.
You’ll get there, someday! Right? RIGHT?!
16. You can't share big boob or big butt articles.
You have no one you can relate to. If you do share them, you can only caption it with, “Wonder what this is like! LOL!” *Shudders*
17. They look nice, but someone's will always look nicer.
You’re never the star in the boob department. Diane, from sales, is always outshining you, no matter how deep your neckline goes.
18. Sports bras make you look weird.
It’s like a gross, muffin-like uniboob.
19. Sleeping on your stomach isn't comfortable, but isn't uncomfortable.
Sleeping in the quiet lulls of the mediocrity of your existence.
20. They aren't pillowy support.
It looks like they might be comfy, but they’re not. Your new boyfriends attempt to lie on your chest and then realize they’ve misplaced their phone in the other room.
21. They look nice from certain angles.
And nonexistent from others. Le sigh.
22. They're just awkward handfuls.
They’re almost nice enough for a feel-up, but like most things in this department, mildly unsatisfying. They don’t even bounce properly in the cowgirl position.
23. You fall into the Barely There/Can’t Complain grey area of boob sizes.
The boobie scale goes like this:
A cup: Almost There B cup: Barely There C cup: Can’t Complain D cup: Duh DD cup: DUH, DUH E cup: Enormous F cup: Fake G cup: Get A Reduction H cup: Help I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up.
Can you guys guess which two sound the most boring and mundane? Hmm?
24. They never look that great in a bikini.
There just isn’t a top that suits you just right, whether it be square, halter or strapless. They’re either lumpy like grandma’s mashed potatoes, or it looks like you're trying too hard after pulling those strings so tight to make "cleavage." Instead, you just might end up choking yourself.
25. You're often described as having an "athletic" build.
With medium boobs unable to cause a distraction from holiday weight gain and yet pronounced enough to draw attention to your body, you have to work diligently to keep your body in the best shape possible. Hence, you’re often on the muscly side and therefore classified as being “athletic.”
While you appreciate Serena Williams’s prowess on the tennis court, you don’t want her physique to be the one people thing of when describing yours.
26. You feel so f*cking basic.
Wouldn’t it only go to show that the most basic would have the most basic, medium, average, not-too-big but not-too-small tatas?
The struggle is so real.