Kim Kardashian is pregnant. If you haven't heard that by now, Kris Jenner needs to hire an even more expensive PR team.
Kim may be gestating famous spawn, but what she’s really concerned about is the growing width of her hips and upper arms.
I know, because she takes every opportunity to talk about it publicly.
The queen of reality television and baby mama of Kanye West has been vocal about her hatred of the things pregnancy does to a woman’s body. That includes an ass that (literally) won’t quit and swollen feet.
This is, after all, a woman who told press she feels "fat as f*ck" in the weeks leading up to her child's birth.
Some laud her fat jokes as a breath fresh air in an otherwise cloying Internet culture. It's usually dominated by beautifully fit mamas and their precious breastfed babies.
In Kim’s eyes, a baby is great.
What’s even better, though, are the six-pack abs she first spray tanned into submission at age 18.
Kim’s Instagram is clearly a vanity project, a place for fans to worship her perfect face and body.
And, since her stomach popped months ago, Kim's been "finding" and posting a suspicious amount of snapshots taken in her teens and early 20s.
Nearing the end of her pregnancy, a bloated Kim can't help but reminisce about her skinny days. Lately, she's been throwing it back to long before she birthed North West.
In that endearing way the Kardashians have, Kim's mindset is strangely relatable.
My friends and I do the same, choosing to remember the months we were our skinniest or best-looking instead of being thankful for the body we've got right now.
We mentally torture ourselves for no real reason.
When I was at my thinnest, I was afraid of every meal I ate and weighed myself twice a day. That's not healthy, and it's certainly not worth putting on a pedestal.
I believe many ridiculous things, but not that Kim's infant daughter took the time to dig through her mom's photo archives and post a bikini shot of her mother.
I just don't.
But, Kim bold-facedly tried for the lie anyway.
And let's not forget the time she captioned a throwback photo,
Can't you just picture pregnant Kim luxuriating on her bed, staring at old photos of herself while Adele's "Hello" plays?
Let go of the skinny nostalgia, Kim. We will, too.