Why Women Need To Stop Shaming Each Other On 'Slutoween'

There are typically two camps of women when it comes to Halloween fashion: those who “go slut or go home,” and those who prefer to laugh in the face of gender norms by covering as much skin as possible.

Rarely will you find a happy medium.

I have two incredibly different costumes planned out for this Hallows' Eve.

The first is a huge, plump pumpkin costume made from the same itchy foam material children wear when they toddle from house to house, looking for candy.

After trying on this little number, I finally understood kids really have to waddle like this because their costumes are so perfectly round.

I’ll definitely be waddling, and it probably won’t be a good look.

The second is a dirty, yet shockingly accurate rendition of Britney Spears' “Hit Me Baby One More Time” music video, complete with a tiny plaid skirt and hair scrunchy.

With two nights to celebrate this year, I can’t wait to assume both personas.

When it comes to Halloween, it may seem strange I want to dress up like two very different women. (Well, one woman and one hideously ill-shaped winter squash, but you get the idea.)

Some might call it bipolar. I just call it natural.

But why can’t I dress like both an unremitting whore and a disgusting lump of foam?

The answer is simple: Halloween is the female world’s judgment day.

Regardless of the amount of skin you show, there will be someone out there (usually another woman) who will be judging you for it.

From the perspective of the shapeless costume lovers, those who take a “Dirrty”-era Christina Aguilera approach to Halloween look a little ridiculous.

“If they’re barely wearing any clothes, but you don’t even know what they’re supposed to be, then it’s just like, well, you used Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty,” said Brittany, 22.

And maybe they did use it as an excuse, but who cares?

“It’s like the quote from 'Mean Girls.' Halloween is the one day of the year where we can dress like sluts, and nobody can say anything about it,” said Alex, 21.

But no one ever really holds back judgment like some unspoken Halloween armistice.

“People do say stuff because people suck,” said Meghan, 20.

It comes from both sides.

Women who prefer dressing in the stupidest, most shapeless costumes they can find feel the pressure to show skin.

“Girls should feel more comfortable wearing silly outfits, but unfortunately, most think it wouldn't be cool enough,” said Laura, 21.

Being the odd, dressed-as-a-giant-bath-loofa one in a sea of sexy flight attendants feels like middle school all over again.

All this judgment back and forth only makes people uncomfortable with dressing how they want.

“I've never really been about dressing up in revealing clothing for Halloween because I still don't want my body to be judged or amounted to anything,” said Kelsey, 20.

This fear keeps women from wearing what makes them feel like themselves.

Regardless of whether you’d rather wrap your body in 50 yards of brown fabric to be the world’s unsexiest tree, or dress in the skimpiest nurse costume on sale, try to see things from the other side.

“I am glad that women can feel empowered enough to do what they want with their bodies,” Kelsey said.

Just make sure you aren’t taking that power away with your judgmental gaze over the rim of a Solo cup.

“People need to realize it's just a costume,” Laura said.

We should treat costumes like what they are: just costumes.

However another woman wants to dress her body is A-okay.

Why keep judging, if everyone involved is feeling sweaty and out of place in the corner of the party?

So this year, go big and go home.

Dress like a total raging whore and don’t apologize it, or be the ugliest, least-flattering fruit you can think of and absolutely rock it.

You do you, girl. Don’t let anyone tell you to be something else.