15 Reasons Why You'd Rather Sleep With Your Bed Than Your Booty Call

There are three basic necessities in life: sustenance, sex and sleep. Choosing between two of them, like sex versus sleep, can spur some pretty fierce competition. When it’s sex with a booty call, however, the choice is practically made for you.

Between bad breath and awkward interactions, at the end of the day, we’d much rather sleep with a bed than a booty call. You can totally get downy.

Booty calls, while much easier than dialing a full-blown relationship, still require immense amounts of work in comparison to the pay-off. Your bed, on the other hand, will provide you that same pleasure in the most relaxing way possible.

When you look at it that way, you’re not really alone -- you’ve got blanket and pillow waiting to comfort you.

On a Friday night, after a week’s worth of aggravation, it’s OK to want your bed more than you want a person. Here’s why you’d rather sleep with your bed than your booty call:

1. You already expect your bed to be soft

There’s no hidden surprises. Your bed is ready for you -- big and cozy -- just the way you like it. It always holds up its end of the deal.

The only cotton balls of doughy cream puffs you’ll find here are your decorative pillows.

2. You can star all over the entire mattress.

Starring: Lying in bed super comfortably with hands spread out wide, towards the corners of your bed and feet and legs mirroring the same.

Warning: only for those who want to sleep alone, this position guarantees that you will never want to share your bed again.

3. Your bed doesn’t hog all the blankets

Booty calls tend to live up to the low standards we set for them. They have no problem taking advantage of your fluffy sleeping space and insisting on nestling in your side of the bed.

We’re sorry, we didn’t realize inviting you to bone also included room and board. This isn’t a Bed & Breakfast.

4. There’s no shaving or prep work required

If your prickly legs are chafing the silky sheets, your bed won’t say, “Ouch girl, put those away!” You can face plant into your covers just as you are and don’t need to stress about greasy hair or, ahem, a bad stomachache.

5. Cuddling is encouraged

There’s no mindf*ck or weirdness like, “Am I sending the wrong message?” You can embrace your body pillow or shove one in between your legs just before falling soundly asleep and it won’t be misconstrued as too forward.

6. Your bed is always down

You don’t need to play games or have a bullsh*t text message conversation that spans the entire course of the day because neither of you wants to just come out and say, “Let’s f*ck tonight.” No, your bed is much more comfortable with you.

7. It won’t get so drunk it pisses itself

You can do that all on your own.

8. Your bed already smells like cigarettes, tequila and sex

Perhaps it’s time to wash your sheets…

In this scenario, we contemplate reversing our decisions. Why not let one more filthy substance ruin the bedsheets moments before we toss them into the laundry? Get down and get dirty.

9. It likes all the movies that you like

You could rest Netflix on your bed, but you can’t let the computer get too hot on your booty call’s lap. Binge watching Cameron Diaz movies is a go -- as long as you say so. The only person you have to please is yourself.

10. You don’t have to worry about not receiving a text back the next day

Your bed will never stray, even if you spill crumbs in its crevices or fart on top of it. It’s the most functional relationship you’ve held since your last breakup with chocolate bars.

11. It won’t take pictures of you while you’re sleeping

Whoa, too far. Too far.

12. Your bed won't take too long to finish

When you want it all to end, you can just roll over and close your eyes and go to sleep. Of course, you could do the same with your casual hookup, too, but that ending would be the more permanent kind.

13. When you're tucked in, it's a completely different story

Your bed still looks like your bed when it's tucked in. And you're not completely turned off when it gets really messy.

14. It won't poke you in the back the next morning

Your bed does its job well -- it lets you sleep afterwards! Sure, it might creak or buckle under the full weight of your body, but it always supports you no matter what.

You can't get that kind of unconditional backing from your booty call.

15. You don't mind that it's all fluff

Sometimes we can get unintentionally attached to our emotionally unavailable booty calls and then we're breaking up with someone we never actually were dating.

In your relationship with your bed, you know it's completely one-sided and not real (which is exactly how they usually go...).