There’s nothing sadder than watching a relationship end.
His quirks, which you used to love, suddenly start pissing you off. The way he runs his hands through his hair doesn’t excite you, it annoys you. Sex has become as exciting as watching “Friends” reruns for the 16th time.
The slow death of a relationship only becomes worse when your partner is also your roommate.
You don’t have time away from his laughter, his attempts at cooking, his stupid jokes you once laughed at. You know it’s time to move on, but you’re still on the fence about moving out.
As anyone who’s on a lease with a partner can tell you, the reality of couple real estate is hard.
When you break up, you have to face the inevitable reality in which one of you has to leave, which will most likely f*ck the other person over.
As a result, you wait to break up until it’s more opportune for both of you. But, it doesn’t stop the resentment from building.
If you’re experiencing any of the below triggers, it might be time to think about ditching your lease.
1. You wait for him to fall asleep and roll over to start masturbating.
He definitely can't hear my vibrator, right?
2. You spend your afternoons trolling Petfinder for the 13 cats you'll adopt when you move.
They will all have names that start with the same letter, too.
3. You two might be watching season 2 of "Game of Thrones" but you've already raced ahead to season 5.
"What, everyone knows Jon is dead-ish!"
4. There isn't a bodily function he hasn't heard you make in the bathroom.
Explosive post-Chipotle diarrhea? Check.
5. You make it a point to order Seamless on the days he has to cook.
"Sorry, honey, I didn't know you were making lasagna! Want some takeout lo mein instead?"
6. You've already bookmarked the studios on Craigslist that look the least bedbug-infested.
Bonus points if they're roach-proof, too.
7. Your idea of sex is starfishing on the mattress while he does virtually all the work.
Sex all night? Who has the energy?
8. You'd rather listen to "Hotline Bling" on repeat for three days than hear him breathe.
Who knew it could sound so noisy?
9. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up, you mentally stab his voodoo doll in the dick.
It takes two seconds! Two seconds!
10. You totally drop your Pinterest-worthy couple mugs on the floor purposefully.
"It was an accident, I swear!"
11. Late work nights for him = date night for you.
Netflix and chill while downloading Tinder on the sly? Sure, why not.
12. You don't give a sh*t about drinking his entire supply of Diet Coke.
What's mine is yours, remember?
13. Cuddling is okay, as long as he's on the other side of the bed and not touching you.
Or breathing near you. Or facing you.
14. You actually forgot what his dick looks like.
On the other hand, you know everything there is to know about Meat Print Papi.
15. He finds the bag of naughty underwear you bought and thinks it's for him, when you just bought it to take sexy Snapchats in.
You're only sending them to your friends! And to Jake from the marketing department.
16. You've bought yourself three new vibrators to make up for your lack of an exciting sex life.
You also named them after the guys you had crushes on in high school.
17. You've already told people you're living where you want your future apartment to be.
"Sorry, did I say Lower East Side? I meant Upper West Side."
18. The idea of wearing his clothes to sleep reeks of cooties to you.
Did I actually like his smell before? Why?
19. You use his trips abroad as excuses to throw house parties.
"I drank all the wine by myself, babe! Promise!"
20. Your friends have more chemistry with their roommates than you do with your boyfriend.
At least they actually want to f*ck their hot German roomie.