I'll start by setting the scene: After years of the same old look, you find yourself overwhelmed by an insatiable desire for something new.
A change, perhaps, which will propel you into an entirely novel phase of life, love or whatever else you are hoping to channel (this week). So, you do what every other brave chick before you has done: schedule a long-awaited, much overdue haircut.
Freeing yourself from all of the excess density you swear has been weighing you down, you plunge (or, chop?) into the unknown.
Walking out of your nearest salon, you feel lighter, more carefree and completely revitalized. This transformation has left you utterly renewed!
Or, so you think.
Fast forward to a few hours/days/weeks/months (or, dare I even say it, years) later, and how do you feel?
Well, for starters, your LOB is still nowhere near long. In fact, it looks exactly the same. And, now, your muddled mind is filled with a Chex Mix bag's worth of fierce emotions.
All you can really help but think is, "What the F did I just do?"
Now, to limit the dramatics (a bit), I will go no further before acknowledging that at the end of the day, hair is only hair. There are far greater concerns in the world than the length of one's locks -- this we know.
However, even the most rational of thinkers and progressive of minds cannot entirely reject the very real, if not elementary connection people have to their hair. It is simply a fact.
And, for those of us who have or are experiencing the unhurried torture of growing out a dramatic cut, you know it is no small feat.
From awkward, in-between lengths to literally no change whatsoever, the struggle is real.
Whether we’re talking nine inches or four, a major change in one's physical identity can really shake things up. It is, after all, a true emotional experience.
So, in the spirit of momentarily indulging the illogical thoughts we all have during these dark, dark times, I'm putting a few of them out on the table.
Ladies (and gents), I feel your pain.
1. This is never going to happen.
2. Why did I do this to myself?
3. It looks nothing like it did when my hairdresser blew it out.
4. I’m the Millennial Shirley Temple. FML.
5. My hair was perfect before.
6. Does it look a little longer today?
7. How about now?
8. I wonder if anyone would notice if I got extensions?
9. How much are extensions, anyway?
10. Um. NEVERMIND.
12. What if they show?
13. ...or fall out?
14. Ha, that'd be awkward.
15. That would definitely happen to me. I can't do it.
16. Biotin is bullsh*t.
17. There are hacks for everything in the world. Why is there no hair-growth hack?
18. Oh wait! Will rubbing my head in circles upside down for 15 minutes, once a week, every month really work?
19. What am I even talking about?
20. I'm hanging upside down from my bed. This looks stupid.
21. Only one more month of trying this.
22. The girl on Instagram swears it works. (That makes it true.)
23. Is it longer yet?
24. I can't wear it curly.
25. I hate straightening it every day.
26. I might die of heat exhaustion blow-drying it this summer.
27. My sisters/mom/friends/boyfriend were right: I’m too lazy for this kind of commitment.
28. I guess I'll wear it up today.
29. ...and today.
30. ...and definitely tomorrow.
31. Will trimming it make it grow faster?
32. I'm not sure I should risk it.
33. None of this is working.
34. It’s just hair.
35. Look at Ruby Rose.
36. Did I just compare myself to Ruby Rose?
38. Get a grip.
39. It really is JUST hair.