How Women Are So Afraid Of Uncertainty That They Keep Giving The Wrong Men Chances

by Lauren Martin

Men, men, f*cking men. They chase you, catch you, then, like overindulged children, get bored with you and throw you away. They make you fall in love with them, take you out to dinner and then leave you after you’ve successfully made them orgasm.

They play games, text other women and have no problem walking out the door before you wake up. And the worst part about the whole thing is most women are settling for these men.

They are the ones lowering their standards, choosing to ignore the ugly parts, and giving someone who most likely doesn’t deserve a second look, a definitive shot. Women everywhere are settling.

The definition of "settle" in the New Oxford American Dictionary is to “accept or agree to something that one considers to be less than satisfactory.”

Used in a sentence: A woman is settling when she stops thinking that she deserves better.

I believe that almost every woman, at least once in her life, has settled for a man who didn’t deserve her. A man who didn’t appreciate her, respect her or even look her way.

A man who wasn’t smart enough, strong enough or kind enough to be in the same room as her. A man who didn’t deserve the opportunity to touch her, let alone to know her. A man who took his opportunity and threw it right in her face.

But why are we dipping below our standards? Why are we giving out all these free chances? Why are we letting men who aren’t worthy of us, hurt us?

Why are we letting men our 16-year-old selves would never talk to, become vital to our happiness?

We’re intelligent and beautiful women, and even if we don't manage our ideal men, we at least deserve men who fulfill some part of our desires. We deserve men who are not only receptive of our love, but appreciative of it. We deserve more than just second-bests with rotating agendas.

It doesn’t take a licensed psychologist to figure out why women are constantly letting unworthy men into their bedrooms and hearts.

Loneliness, horniness and blacked-outness are all fair assumptions and, many times, culprits to the increasing deluge of bad men with good women.

However, there has to be more to the story -- more to this phenomenon of beautiful women who keep undervaluing themselves, and overvaluing the men around them.

Unfortunately, the root of the problem lies within ourselves, and unlike quitting that bad tequila habit or finally buying a vibrator, it's something that can't easily be fixed.

It's a problem that's taken root, manifested itself, since we were small girls: A woman is not complete without a man and you should be married by now.

You should have a boyfriend. You should be getting married. You should not be alone.

The words ring over and over again, as we try and pound them out. And as as we try to dispel the thoughts, they are always there, in the back of our mind.

We slowly start becoming obsessed with the mantra. Suddenly we're so concerned with not being alone that we’re settling for all the wrong people.

We become so tired of being single, of watching other couples, that we’ll take the next man willing to hold our hand. We’ve become so buried under the stress of finding a husband, making a family and “having it all” that we’re willing to give anyone who shows us the least bit of attention, a winning shot.

We’re so afraid of uncertainty, so afraid of waking up and being 45 and single, that we’ve chosen to settle, rather than to search for what we deserve.

Of course, I’m not talking about looks. After a while, an intelligent girl learns that looks only go so far, and so deep. It becomes shallow to judge a man on his height and jaw line. After a certain amount of six packs and high cheekbones, we learn that the prettiest faces are usually connected to the ugliest souls.

I’m talking about good men. Men with compassion, empathy and drive. About men with intelligence, commitment and something to offer.

Men with success, integrity and ambition. I’m talking about men who deserve our attention and love. Men who appreciate us and respect us. Men who we've always dreamed about, even if they aren’t exactly our dream men.

We’d Rather Be With Someone Wrong… Than Be Alone

Aversion to solitude has become woman’s greatest downfall. This inability to be alone, to be secure and satisfied in life without a man has led to this great epidemic of settling.

It’s the number one culprit and the leading downfall to our independence. Women are so scared of being alone, that we’ll take any man to fill the space.

Of course, this is our problem, not theirs. This is a problem that has come from countless years of being told a woman is not complete without a man and that being single is never as coveted a status as being coupled.

It is not until women realize that being alone is empowering, rather than debilitating, that we can stop settling and start enjoying our own company.

We’re Givers… Never Receivers

There’s no denying that a woman’s greatest asset is also her greatest flaw. While we may have learned never to take advantage of those nicest to us, some men have no problem exploiting us for our sympathetic and nurturing side.

They have no problem taking from us whatever we are willing to give, leaving us high and dry, as many times we’re too polite or scared to ask for what we really want and need.

Unfortunately, this giving side that women possess lends itself to settling. It keeps women thinking it’s okay to give men chances they don’t deserve, because they believe they are in need of their love. However, this is almost always a façade.

Women tend to give to anyone who asks, or to anyone who makes them believe they are needy. We let ourselves be taken advantage of, becoming bitter and cold after so many exploitations. Eventually becoming hardened and “cold” when we don’t give, and abused if we do.

Our Beauty Is Depreciating... So Are Our Standards

In a society that tells us beauty is a depreciating asset, we’re in a constant race to beat time and find someone to love us before we become “old and haggard.” It’s this nagging pressure to find someone before it’s too late... before time runs out and we’re old, wrinkled and alone.

This pressure to be beautiful and to find someone to appreciate our beauty clouds our judgment. It makes us give any man who awards us a compliment, nice text or slightest bit of attention a look they don’t deserve.

We forget that most men know exactly what to say to get us to bed. We forget that compliments and flattery are usually as empty as their promises.

We’re so starved for appreciation and so hungry for love that we forget that our beauty is inherent, that only the most deserving of men should get to touch, hold and adore it.

Our beauty doesn’t fade as we get older, but blossoms for those who continue to look at it.