Remember that scene in “Mean Girls” when Cady suggests her biggest insecurity is that she has bad breath in the morning? Yeah, I rolled my eyes, too. Except my biggest insecurity is just as ridiculous.
I hate my shoulders. They're broad and weirdly round, which isn't a word that should be used to describe shoulders.
As a result, I like to keep them as hidden as possible because no one should have to be subjected to whatever the hell round shoulders are.
And then Selena Gomez had to ruin my life and start wearing off-the-shoulder tops. And I love Selena Gomez, so I had to find a way to make the style work for me. And the girl has awesome shoulders, so I'm royally fucked.
Off-the-shoulder tops are surprisingly versatile, no matter what your shoulders look like -- even if they're round (like mine). Here's how to make it work, my broad-shouldered babes:
Keep it professional.
The misconception about off-the-shoulder tops is that they have to look beachy or have a relaxed silhouette.
Not quite. Pair either a pinstripe or stark white top with a pair of cigarette pants or black skinny jeans for some office casual vibes. Match this ensemble with either bright sandals or white slip-on sneakers and you're all set for happy hour.
Try it: Off-the-Shoulder Poplin Top, Zara, $50
Don't be afraid of straps.
Here's the thing with off-the-shoulder tops: They never stay down. Want to lift your arms? Fine, just expect your top or dress to rise, too.
Instead of playing tug of war with your top (trust me, you will always lose this game), opt for a shirt with micro-straps that can rest on your shoulders. They'll prevent the top from slip-and-sliding around your shoulders.
Try it: Off-the-Shoulder Dress with Buckle Straps, Love Moschino, $131
Fake your way to an hourglass.
Fact: Fit-and-flare silhouettes flatter virtually every body type. An off-the-shoulder top, when paired with tailored culottes or a wide skirt, gives off a chill, vintagey vibe. The contrasting stripes on the above look are also very Audrey Hepburn meets Bastille Day, which is definitely something I want to channel this summer.
The contrasting stripes on the above look are also very Audrey Hepburn meets Bastille Day, which is definitely something I want to channel this summer.
Try it: Stripe for the Picking Ribbed Top, Nasty Gal, $38
Play with volume.
The very best off-the-shoulder tops and dresses are totally un-tailored. They form a relaxed silhouette around your body, which looks chic because you literally look like you rolled out of bed and didn't give a damn what you looked like. That's a look, OK?
Better yet, those dresses help hide any potential food babies, which is very important for all the ribs I'm going to devour on the Fourth of July.
Try it: Off-the-Shoulder Dress, MSGM, $508
A patterned silk neck scarf will add old-school vibes. Also, it's a great way to elongate your neck. Pro tip? Tuck your hair into the back of the tie for a distinctly Parisian feel.
Or, you know, get a bob like the girl above, which is just as dreamy.
Try it: Printed Silk-Twill Scarf, Gucci, $185