Piercings are not for the weak. You have to be able to brave oversized needles, blood and a months-long healing process, all in the glorious name of body modification. Piercings are kind of like Vegemite — you either hate the taste or can't get enough of it.
Ears are all well, but serious piercers move on to nipples and genitalia. (Did you just shudder a little bit?)
Never has the nipple piercing, in particular, been more visible than 2016, when a generation of pop stars and models are freeing their own breast decorations on a daily basis.
Influencers like Rihanna, Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid all bare their nipple bling. If you're going to go to the pain of stabbing metal through a highly-sensitive bit of your body, why not show it off?
Then, there are the regular people, who faint while giving blood and can't bear the thought of going near needles. For the average Jane, a nipple piercing is more work than anyone wants to actually do (six months of holding shot glasses over your nipples, no thanks).
That's why a clothing brand called Life In Perfect Disorder invented the pierced nipple t-shirt, as spotted by Cosmopolitan.
Featuring one or two metal rings, the tee is the perfect mix of edginess and a sense of humor. It practically invites all your girlfriends to take turns flicking the ring over brunch. Just don't get it caught on anything — chances are good that would hurt almost as much as catching a real nipple piercing. Ouch.
For $60, you can own a Ruby Rose-approved take on the nip piercing in black or white, short sleeves or sleeveless. You can even get the style in a dress or one-piece swimsuit.
Or, if you're into dude underwear, that's an option, too.
Life In Perfect Disorder sells a pierced boxer discretely hinting at a Prince Albert piercing, which runs from the underside of the penis head to its tip. Maybe don't Google it while you're at work.
Would you spend your hard-earned cash on a faux piercing? Leave me a line in the comments.