We're halfway through October, which probably means the number of Facebook events and costume parties you have planned are piling up.
While you're deciding whether to be a sexy tortoise or a sexy burrito, consider adding a festive accessory to your look — one with questionable connotations.
If you're fast fashion retailer ASOS, that final touch comes in the form of a $9 "Dripping Blood" choker. The piece fits tightly around the neck, designed to look as if you've been slashed in the throat by a hook-handed killer.
Instead of choosing the obvious red for blood, however, ASOS' design staff have gone with pearlescent white. As you've probably guessed, it looks more like something you'd see on PornHub than in polite company.
We spotted the piece thanks to Cosmo, which attributes the initial find to Twitter.
FYI: If you don't yet know the term "pearl necklace," this is your time to look it up while simultaneously pretending you always knew it. Just don't do it at work... I don't want you getting fired.
Interestingly, ASOS seems blissfully unaware of how the choker looks. So much so that it offers two different versions of the necklace. One glows in the dark, which is definitely something jizz can't live up to.
For a final touch of irony, the care section of ASOS' item page recommends the silicone choker "avoid contact with liquids." I'm just going to leave that fact right there for your enjoyment.
This isn't the first time ASOS has exercised its right to sell mildly insane shit. The retailer made headlines in August for selling a $54 dinosaur tail to wear as an accessory.
Here's the ideal Halloween costume: Wear the tail and the choker simultaneously, then tell friends you're dressed as Rule 34, the internet principle that if it exists, there's probably porn made parodying it.
Just make sure you're not attending a family-friendly affair.