I've had no shortage of terrible roommate situations.
Some conned me out of rent, while others abused my pets and judged my sex habits.
Honestly, I’m so over it. It’s high time for this independent lady to fly solo.
My roommate now is a sweetheart, but the situation is so good precisely because she’s rarely home. As a result, I have the apartment all to myself most of the time.
There’s nothing sweeter than parading around naked without fear of being caught.
Living by your own damn self might sound like it’ll be lonely. Trust me, though, you'll grow like you wouldn’t believe.
You might even surprise yourself along the way.
1. You are totally capable of entertaining yourself.
No coming to your roommate or parents, asking to hang out.
If you got no plans tonight, it’s just you. That’s a good thing.
Netflix and chill with your own fly self for once.
2. Silence is OK.
Goodbye, four-hour-long wine binges with roommates.
No more using conversation to stay sane.
If you live alone, it’s time to get crafty.
3. You can party harder than you ever though possible. You can also regret it more.
With no one to judge you coming home at 4 am three nights in a row, you can go as hard as you want with no shady side eyes cast in your direction.
Dealing with the hangover is miserable, though.
4. Dealing with sadness solo is preferable to crying on someone else.
If you had an awful day, your roommate won’t be there to be to cry on.
Bust out the wine and bake some f*cking brownies, because this night about making you feeling less like sh*t.
There's no one to notice if you eat the whole pan, so it hardly even counts.
5. You are a one-woman cleaning wonder when you try.
Someone has to do those dishes. And take out the trash. And do the laundry.
Sure, you’ll f*ck up once. Or twice.
But, you eventually do learn. Those are life skills no one can take away from you.
6. Cobwebs? Cockroaches? Yeah, you got this.
Dad won’t come with a broom and a vacuum.
It’s on you to protect yourself from that spider, so put on your big girl panties and squish that f*cker.
Oh, and cry about it in the shower afterwards.
7. Surprisingly, loneliness won’t kill you.
Spending the night by yourself is one of the most relaxing things in the world.
Before long, you’ll be ditching your friends for “other plans.” AKA napping.
8. Improvising in the kitchen is totally acceptable.
Does anyone actually buy kitchen scissors?
You can use a knife or a box cutter for that. Or, in my case, eyebrow scissors.
Just make sure you're washing them afterwards.
9. Finally, a chance to find your own design aesthetic.
When you're the only one decorating your apartment, you develop taste real quick.
Hello, Banksy prints no one else can ruin.
10. Loving yourself might be more important than loving anyone else.
Seriously, you have way more fun when your dates or roommates aren't involved.
There's finally time to get to know yourself.
11. Say hello to personal boundaries. Emphasis on personal.
You can be the kind of person who washes her sheets every week.
Or, more realistically, the person who waits at least a month before throwing all that bedding in the laundry.
12. "No" is your new favorite word.
If your roommate had plans, you probably tagged along.
Now, the only invitations that don't get a "no" occur within two blocks of your place.
OK, one block.
Fine, in your living room.
13. Who needs guests?
You just want to do all the gross sh*t people do when they're home alone.
14. Sexual boundaries cease to exist.
There's no such thing as "too loud," "too weird" or "too illegal."
Actually, you're probably doing something wrong if you don't have a closet dedicated to toys and chains.