Trying to explain to my mom who Katy Perry is was arguably the most frustrating thing I've done all year.
“You know that song 'Firework'?” I asked, hoping to spark a glimmer of recognition. “She sings it."
My mom was still confused. In her world, Katy Perry was either the name of a weird fungus or a shelter cat. She was able to grasp that Katy was someone famous, but didn't quite get the degree of just how famous she was.
So, when I was invited to the launch of Katy Perry's collaboration line with Covergirl, which consists of 13 demi-matte lipsticks and two mascaras in blue and black, I had to go.
After getting my lipstick done in a pretty berry gradient, schmoozing with fellow editors and drinking one too many mimosas, Katy finally emerged from whatever cocoon she was chilling in.
The first thing to note about Katy is she has insanely good skin. Sure, she's also a Proactiv spokesperson and probably has enough blemish treatments to last her a lifetime, but she literally GLOWED.
She was also taller than I expected and had extremely long arms, which were perfect for selfie-taking. Katy was alarmingly charming and real, which I really didn't expect. She swore like a sailor and was fairly down-to-earth about her beauty routine. This was downright refreshing, after an unnamed female celebrity told me her favorite beauty hack was to lather every inch of her body in $85 La Mer moisturizing cream. Ooo-kay, girl.
After brief introductions and playing around in the photo booth, Katy disappeared again, and we were grouped off. I had to wait about 45 minutes before my group and I would get face-time with Katy, so we had plenty of time to gush.
“She's, like, ridiculously pretty,” one editor said. We all agreed.
After a grueling wait period, where we discussed Katy Perry's potential Met Gala outfit and if she's really with Orlando Bloom, we were ushered downstairs to Katy's quarters.
Katy made it a point to shake everyone's hands (which I'm never washing again, thanks Katy) and we talked beauty. I mean, it was only fitting, right?
Katy's skincare regimen is inspired by an icon.
Turns out, the pop star's flawless face is a combination of birth control, never sleeping with makeup, a “good steam” and a to-die-for cleansing oil.
“At night, I use Shu Uemura oil,” Katy said. “Madonna's makeup artist did my makeup one time eight years ago, and I hated all these other products that left a residue and I never felt fully clean."
That artist recommended an oil.
“She said, 'well, Madonna uses this oil,' and I was like 'I hate oil!' but I love Madonna, so I did it and it changed my game,” she confessed.
Oh, Katy. You're like the secret fangirl in all of us.
She's all about apple cider vinegar.
Seriously, this chick has access to everything and she still uses apple cider vinegar.
Katy swears by apple cider vinegar, mixing it with water to help cleanse out all the yeast from the processed foods clogging up our system.
She also applies the mixture to her face. If that's what's behind her fairy princess skin, I'm running out to buy a bottle of the stuff ASAP.
She doesn't sweat.
If you need further proof that Katy is literally an alien planted into the world designed to make everyone feel bad about ourselves, here it is.
“I don't really sweat much,” she swore, much to my own shock.
“I've got combination skin, so it's not too oily,” she continued. “My face holds makeup really well."
OK, good, because at that point, I was sweating enough for the two of us.
She did admit to using a lot of powder, though.
She uses toilet seat covers as blotting papers.
Because, duh, why not? It's the cheapest way to get rid of excess oils and a surefire way to gross out your coworkers.
To solidify our friendship (and because #PicsOrItDidntHappen) Katy and I selfied. She looked divine and sweat-free. I did not.
Whatever, when you selfie with Katy, you only have one shot. If you look like sh*t, no one cares. You upload it to Instagram and watch the likes pour in.
Or at least, that's what I did.