If You're Not Wearing Harem Pants, I Don't Know WTF Is Wrong With You
Anyone who knows me -- or knows literally anything about me -- knows that I F*CKING LOVE HAREM PANTS.
If you don't know what harem pants are, allow me to enlighten you and change your existence for the better. Harem pants are basically genie pants.
They are tight at the ankle but flowy everywhere else. They make you look amazing, but they also hide the fact that you ate pizza and tacos all winter long. They accentuate all your best features.
They are made of lots of different materials, but I prefer cotton. It is like a gentle caress against the skin.
All of my outfits are centered around my harem pants. They are my go-to, my ride or die, my BEST wardrobe asset. I am obsessed.
Why? Because they are f*cking amazing. This is an ode to harem pants. If you're not wearing them, I highly suggest you go out and buy some. They are LIFE-changing.
Once you put them on, you'll never wear any other pants again. If you're not wearing harem pants, I really don't know WTF is wrong with you.
It's like wearing pajamas.
Wearing pants is the worst. This is an indisputable fact. Pants are objectively awful. That is, unless you're wearing harem pants. They feel exactly like pajamas, but they give the outside world the impression that you're wearing actual clothes. It's fantastic.
Harem pants make going to work so much easier, because at least you're comfortable. They make sitting at a desk for eight hours almost bearable.
They are SO flattering.
One of the main things (besides everything) that I love about harem pants is that they are high-waisted. I have an hourglass-shaped body, so high-waisted sh*t is my jam.
At the same time, harem pants are flowy on your legs. This is dope for two reasons: They hide any insecurity I have about my legs, and they also give them a lot of room to breathe. No camel toe for this girl over here! And since they are loose, they let me accentuate my boobs.
I am all about my tatas.
You can wear them all year.
Some people may not agree with this, but f*ck those people. Harem pants are for every season. They're perfect for the transition from fall to winter and from spring to summer.
They look fabulous with a faux fur coat in the snow. They look glorious with a floral top in the summer. They just always look good.
They may be a little thin for the winter, but I wear them anyway. Just get a longer coat or get harem pants made of velvet. There is nothing harem cannot do.
You will look like Jasmine from Aladdin.
You wanna look like a Disney princess, ma? Get yourself some goddamn harem pants. They are the uniform for the coolest, sexiest princess of them all: Jasmine.
If you look like Jasmine, you know you look good. I had a guy on the street the other day point out that I looked like a genie. He thought he was being fresh, but I DGAF, because genies have magic powers. Joke's on you, catcalling freakazoid.
They are the perfect hangover outfit.
When you wake up in the morning, hungover as f*ck and wanting to die in a puddle of vomit and shame, have NO fear. Harem pants will save the day.
They are easily styled, easy to put on and will wrap you in a layer of comfort your vulnerable self so desperately needs. You can't go to work in your sweatpants, so you should choose the next best thing: your fantastic harem pants.
Crop tops and harem pants are a match made in heaven.
I am the QUEEN OF CROP. For every ounce of love I have for harem pants, my love is matched for crop tops. I don't even remember how to style something that isn't a crop top. I don't even know if I own any shirts that are not cropped.
Thanks God they made a comeback a few years ago. Not that I give a sh*t -- I will wear them until my dying day. I want to be f*cking buried in a crop top.
LUCKILY, harem pants and crop tops go together like cream and coffee. The two of them work together to create one beautiful, sexy, COMFORTABLE AF outfit.
ANYONE can wear harem pants and look good.
The most beautiful thing of all is that anyone with any body in the entire world looks great in harem pants. Whether you're an athletic build, hourglass, curvy, straight-lined or whatever, you can rock harem pants and look AMAZING.
Here's the universal clothing item you've been missing all of your life, and you DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT. Harem pants can do no wrong, and everyone should go out and buy some immediately. I have never seen anyone not look good in harem pants.
God bless harem pants, and God bless the United States of f*cking America.
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