Why I Won't Date Anyone Unless I Can Picture Him As A Friend
Because few people make it past one date with me, I’ve often been told that I don’t give guys a chance. To that I respond, "The first date is the chance."
It doesn’t take longer than one date to assess whether or not a guy has future dating potential, especially not when using the Guy-Friend Test to assess compatibility.
Basically, the Guy-Friend Test allows women to efficiently disqualify guys from their dating pools by determining whether or not they have friend potential.
Personally, if I can’t see myself being friends with a guy, I’m not interested in a second date (unless the guy looks like Chris Pine, in which case I may entertain round two, just to be sure).
Friendship is an important aspect of a relationship, so there is little point dating someone without it. Having said that, passing the Guy-Friend Test does not automatically make a guy dating material.
Most guys I foresee friendships with stay at the friend level. Therefore, rather than prove guys worthy of dating, the Guy-Friend Test is more so intended to quickly weed out the guys who definitely aren’t.
While a guy with friend potential isn’t necessarily boyfriend material, a guy without it certainly isn’t. To clarify, the Guy-Friend Test isn’t a formal assessment through which I put first dates by mentally evaluating them on a series of criteria.
The Guy-Friend Test consists of one question: Would I be friends with this guy?
If not, I’m not seeing him again. If so, I begin considering whether or not I’m attracted to him to determine whether I want to see him in a romantic or platonic capacity going forward.
Friend potential is subjective. What I consider friend potential is going to be different from what you consider friend potential. However, there are a few basic requirements:
1. Talk consists of more than the weather.
A guy’s ability to hold a conversation is fundamental when considering whether or not he has friend potential, and thereby dating potential.
In early November, while in Paris, I was sitting at a restaurant near my apartment, watching people pass through the window when a couple was seated at the table in front of me. Since we were in France and they spoke English in matching non-French accents, it was clear they were past the initial stages of dating.
They were on vacation, and their relationship was surely headed for its end; it was evident by the way they were talking to each other. They paused too often and rarely laughed, and the content was vanilla.
At one point, after a silence that was making me uncomfortable, they began discussing the weather -- I kid you not.
I’m a woman who wants a relationship, yet I sat there praising my single status. I’d always rather be happily eating beef bourguignon in my own pleasant company than awkwardly pouring champagne to fill conversation gaps.
From the beginning, small talk should quickly progress to actual conversation. If it doesn’t, friendship is not in the cards, so neither is dating.
2. There’s common ground.
You can argue that opposites attract all you want, but commonalities are important. Without them, there is no foundation for a relationship of any kind to stand on.
You can have many different interests, but some of them need to match the other person’s. If you and the guy in front of you don’t enjoy some of the same things, there’s minimal incentive to continue hanging out, let alone date.
For me, this is typically the case with guys who breathe physical activity. I’m open to trampolining and batting cages once in a while, but if a guy expects all encounters to have an active component, I’m out. The most recreational exercise my friends and I get up to is the occasional venture to a club.
In my world, physical activity is for the gym. I’m there Monday through Friday mornings, and that’s enough.
3. You two are laughing!
This one speaks for itself. If you’re not laughing with someone, what’s the point? Not only is laughter a friendship prerequisite, but it also eases conversation. A first date with no laughter is a dead end, not to mention dead boring until that end finally comes.
Like I said, while passing the Guy-Friend Test gives a guy the "in" to a woman’s life in some capacity, it does not guarantee romantic attraction.
Most guys who pass the Guy-Friend Test will stay in the friend zone due to lack of chemistry. That’s not a bad thing; new friends lead to more new friends, which could lead to relationships.
It’s failing the Guy-Friend Test that bars men from women’s lives, helping ladies easily eliminate the never-going-to-happen dudes in order to focus on actual prospects.