60 Perfect, Extremely Important Thoughts Girls Have About Their Boobs

If you had to ask a female who she thinks likes boobs more, males or females, what do you think her answer would be?

If you guessed male, I'd have to say you were wrong because there really isn't anyone who likes boobs more than the female who's rocking them.

At any given moment of rest, you can rest assured (yes, pun intended) her hands are casually chilling on top of her chest. Show me a girl who doesn't grab at herself all day long, and I'll show you a liar.

Sure, this position is quite relaxing, but things can get a little awkward when your boyfriend catches you essentially groping yourself.

Whatever, let him act all high and mighty. It just gives you an excuse to call him out on his incessant ball grabbing.

And if anything, shouldn't he like it? Oh well, you two can debate this while I continue to feel myself up.

And believe me when I say this: I am far from alone, as that seems to be the position every female takes when she's just hanging out on the couch on any given weekend.

Every female, yes I mean every female, has tons of thoughts, questions, concerns, beliefs, ideas and expressions when it comes to their boobs. Don't believe me? Well, then check out this collective list below...

1. How much would I really weigh if I cut them off my body?

2. If I lose weight, will they disappear?

3. Do I have to wait to get a lift until after I give birth?

4. No wonder guys love them.

5. Is there a right nipple size?

6. Should my boobs be the same size?

7. Why aren't they detachable?

8. Why do they always hurt?

9. I definitely touch my boobs more than anyone I know.


11. Why are people so offended by bra straps showing?

12. Is my bra helping or hurting me?

13. Why do people use them as pillows?

14. Why are there two?

15. How much is too much?

16. Why are they so hyper-sexualized?

17. Why do people freak out about breastfeeding in public?

18. That's literally their job... You had one job...

19. Is it the worth the back pain?

20. Could I maneuver weighing one on a scale?

21. Why are a 34D and a 32C essentially the same size?

22. Why do I need to wear two sports bras when I exercise?

23. Why can't I control how I react to the cold?

24. Do they ever stop growing?

25. How do they measure up to everyone else's?

26. Why isn't there a normal name for them that doesn't sound stupid or profane?

27. Why do I check out other girls' boobs ALL THE TIME?!

28. Why are nipples the part that needs to be censored?

29. When should I have started getting mammograms?

30. Why can't men ever just look at me in the eye?

31. Does tanning cause your boobs to age prematurely?

32. Can they pop if I squeeze them too hard?

33. I wonder what they look like when a guy's underneath me.

34. Why are they so fun to play with?

35. Why do I always find myself playing with them without realizing it?

36. Are they really just full of fat?

37. Who knew fat could be so amazing?

38. Why would anyone ever complain about being fat?

39. These. Are. Awesome.

40. I'm totally going to get fired for playing with them in my cubicle.

41. What age do they start growing?

42. Is there a way to make them bigger organically?

43. Will pec exercises actually work size-wise?

44. Do fake boobs always feel different?

45. How can you even tell what's real anymore?

46. How many lifts are too many lifts?

47. Is size genetic?

48. Do people really confuse flat-chested girls with prepubescent teenagers?

49. Wow, it must suck to be flat.

50. How the hell am I going to fit these things into a wedding dress?

51. Is it weird the only reason I moisturize is for the excuse it gives me to touch my boobs?

52. Is there a way to strap them to my body while having sex?

53. There's no way that sh*t looks attractive bouncing around.

54. I guess it could be worse, I could be flat.

55. Hmm, maybe this is a solid excuse to chill on the bottom.

56. How much would I REALLY weigh if I chopped them off?

57. Why can't I walk around with no top on?

58. There should be a law that people under an A cup shouldn't have to wear a bra in public.

59. Why do I feel so uncomfortable simply rocking a sports bra at the gym?

60. Why can't everything I eat go straight to my boobs?

For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.