Female friendship is one of the more valuable relationships that a woman cherishes. Every clique has its own set of guidelines that governs the group, yet there's always one chief rule that holds true throughout: Hoes before bros, uteruses before duderuses, chicks before dicks, ovaries before brovaries...you get the point.
We ladies have to have each others backs -- who else but our own kind understands what it's like to endure period drama or sore feet from sky-high stilettos?
We're in this together, girls. And if we're banding together, we're going to need a set of universal laws, so sh*t doesn't get ugly when one female urgently needs to cut the line at the club because she's about to hurl (suck it up and stand aside, you don't want to be in that line of fire).
Here's a quick lesson on Girl Code:
Do Not Hook Up With A Friend's Ex-________
Let's start off with the basics. We know you've heard this repeatedly, but no making out/flirting/batting eyelashes with a friend's ex-boyfriend, -fling, -friendswithbenefits or -best friend.
Why sacrifice a valuable friendship for a guy who won't last and is inevitably playing both of you? He wasn't great the first time when your friend took him for a test ride. Sometimes you have to take a step back and ask yourself: "is this worth ruining my friendship (or the ability to borrow my friend's awesome new top next week)?"
If You Have To Be Selfish, You Better Not Give Yourself Away
We were socialized to put others before ourselves. But sometimes, like when there's a special designer launch at Target, you have to think of your needs first -- just make sure your girlfriends don't know about it. Say, for example, you have two parties to attend in one night: your BFF's Halloween bash and your crush's birthday.
Go to the Halloween bash first and then shadily leave, claiming that "you're too drunk to be in public." When you end up in your boy toy's bed the next morning, you'll have gotten the best of both worlds. Servicing your girlfriends and yourself -- now that's how it's done, BOOM!
Dance Parties, Wine And "Sex And The City" Solve All When A Friend Is In Need
A true blue friend is someone who wants to pick you up when you're down, support you when you need it most, and promote your best qualities. What better way to show you care than by planning a quality evening with your other best friends: alcohol, music and Samantha? Every female loves a solid drunken dance party to let loose and pretend like we're burning calories. And Carrie's lame dilemmas will help take your girlfriend's mind off her crappy breakup, job loss or rotten day.
Share Tampons With A Fellow Female
It's the right thing to do. Imagine being in need and having to resort to a makeshift toilet paper pad. Gross. Offering another lady a tampon is like giving Lamar Odom a second lease on life -- you are saving her from complete humiliation. Pay it forward and you'll have good karma.
Don't Ask To Borrow Clothes From A Friend Who Is Noticeably Smaller Than You
Are you trying to make things awkward between you two? No one wins when either she has to turn you down, or you return her clothes stretched out beyond repair. You know better than to try and fit in a size extra-small, no matter how loose those harem pants appear to be.
"Like" Any New Profile Pics, Selfies And Instagrams
The easiest way to be a supportive friend is to "like" all of her tagged posts on social media. Every girl needs a fan base, and you are the founder of her club. It's kind of like being someone's mother -- you have to be proud of all the things she shares with the world, including her uploads (especially the ones where she's skinny-arm posing, head slightly tilted to the side and most likely stealing the scene).
Slut-Shaming Is Off Limits
Slut-shaming is just a projection of your own jealousy that you aren't getting laid. There are enough men on the planet to make women feel bad about having sex, don't stoop to that level. If you're friend is building a reputation, there will be a time for a friendtervention later.
For now, let her roam free and enjoy her promiscuity -- don't rain on her parade just because you're a dark, sexless cloud at the moment. What would be a better use of your time? Reminding her to use protection in a non-judgmental way.
Boob Touching And Purple Nurples Are Always Fair Game
Punch buggies are so old school. If a friend is flashing some ta-ta that evening, it is absolutely your personal friendly-female right to touch them. And, if it's a particularly chilly atmosphere, twisty nips are the girls' equivalent of a high-five. Guys slap each others butts, we tap each others tits. Pause...
If A Girl Looks Intoxicated Beyond Repair And Needs A Friend, Be Her Friend
Now, more than ever, is when a woman needs to help her fellow woman.
You're not only being a good Samaritan, you're also preventing a future statistic. There's just no excuse for leaving a defenseless girl behind. Doing the right thing builds your character as well as the women around you.
Always Tell A Girl If She Has Food In Her Teeth, Toilet Paper On Her Shoe Or Smudged Makeup
You aren't embarrassing someone by notifying them of their facial marking unless you announce it to the entire room. No one wants to walk around with eyeliner on their cheek or a half-eaten salad still in their mouth (but kudos on being healthy!). Do it politely and discreetly and you will be sure to score karma points.
No Girl-On-Girl Crime (Unless It's A Mutual Enemy)
Talking smack is never a good look, but sometimes it's necessary to make ourselves feel better (we all have flaws). Generally speaking, it's very unbecoming to run around talking behind everyone's back -- no one actually cares what rude comments are coming out of your mouth.
There are instances, however, when being a good friend also means engaging in some superficial sh*t talk. Unleashing the fury with stupid words is better than blackout hashing it out at the next pregame and saying things you'll regret later.
Your Friend Is Never Fat Until She's Noticeably Eating Three Times As Much As You
At some point, every woman has a fat day month or a comfort-food binge with Mr. McDonald and Mr. Jerry. This is to be expected and frankly, it's encouraged. The red flags come when one day she notices she can't fit into her jeans and when she comes over, she greets the pantry before you.
When that happens, you have to have the uncomfortable "let's sign up for SoulCycle together" code-talk. Just as you would like to be told when you're taking late-night eating to the next level, it's tough but important to gently relay the message to your friend. If she's just stoned and enjoying herself, let her be.
We Ride Together, We Die Together
At the end of the day, the people who understand you most and still love you for it are going to be your girlfriends. Treat them the way you want to be treated, appreciate them and show your respect (and all those other nursery school slogans). You need them just as much as they need you. Even when you can't stand yourself, your girlfriends will. Remember that and show them some love every once in a while -- you'll never regret spreading a smile.