Generation-Y: Can't Be Single, Can't Be Locked Down

by Paula Huebner

To my experience, there are two types of girls in our generation.  We'll refer to them as Type A and Type B.  Type A females are the ones who cannot be single, while Type B girls are on the opposite end of the spectrum and cannot stay in a relationship.

The Type A girl is constantly a tied down. When one relationship is ending, she always manages to achieve a seamless transition to the next boyfriend and appears to have the art of attraction and commitment to the opposite sex perfected. Usually, a Type A girl ends up breaking some hearts along the road.She also appears to know what she wants in a lover and always seems find it at the drop of a dime as soon as the last super-serious-can’t-spend-a-minute-apart relationship has ended.

Despite her changing relationships, this person is always happy and doesn’t have a track record for cheating, in hopes that her partner is the one she will soon marry - like maybe tomorrow. Type A girls may be a lot more relatable to the way our parents were, living with a long-term perspective and pressuring themselves to commit early.  We wonder, does a Type A girl know herself well enough to be happy alone?

The latter, Type B, is the girl who cannot live with a man. This girl might be known as the eternal single girl, considering she never has a boyfriend. A moderate amount of short flings are carved into the wood of her bunk bed, but she is hardly ever genuinely interested in a man. She's a popular girl, with a lot of guy friends, and she's sometimes even considered one of the guys. A Type B girl is very easy to be around, relaxed and (almost) never shows her bitchy or needy side. Most likely, she has one or two major crushes or almost-boyfriends to whom, in her mind, nobody can live up to.

Type B girls have very high standards based on the select special guys that win them over, and they will not settle for anything less than the absolute peak of their heart’s desire. Along her way to finding the one man that might suit her standards and needs, a Type B girl likely rejects her fair amount of nice, good-looking and interesting men.  We wonder, will a Type B girl end up alone?

Girls that tend to fall more towards the Type B category have to stand up to accusations, such as the following I receive from my mother: “Why are you so complicated? Why can’t you just pick one nice guy and be happy?” Girls from this group are seen as complicated, picky, unable to settle into relationships and so on. What is it that causes a Type B girl to treat relationships with such regard and end up bouncing around, without any commitment?

Of course, one could say that men may have the same problem with commitment as a Type B woman, but they’re usually just little playboys yet to grow up that snap out of their womanizing habits at some random, undefined moment in their lives. Girls, however, might be living through a universal identity crisis that comes along with the ongoing destruction of yesterday’s rules for, and expectations of, women.

With a changing social environment, a woman is stuck between defining herself as sexy or funny, being a mother or having a career, being a saint or a rebel and remaining a mystery or exhibiting approachability. Today, with the freedom to do anything, women are unable to strike a balance between who they are, who they want to be and the part of them that they are unsure of. Instead, a woman chooses one extreme over another and still finds herself floating through an identity crisis.

The blurred lines within modern gender definitions are not the only problem. A lot of it also has to do with the problem that our generation - not just women - has with decisions. Our fear of commitment could be compared to the fact that we don’t like to RSVP to a party too far ahead in fear of a more interesting event popping up that that would make better use of our invaluable time. We are afraid to commit to one person for fear that while we are with them, some magical ominous so-called soulmate might be passing us by.

We are obsessed with the desire to optimize everything. Whether it is our career, time spent, friends, relationships, what we own or the fun we have, everything needs to be perfect, and we can’t accept that some things are simply a work in progress. We are unable to acknowledge the fact that with experience, come lessons learned. We were not born with all the knowledge and wisdom in the world.

Generally, young people today are either entirely traditional and settle down early on with ease, or the majority are unable to settle for anything less than an unattainable dream. It all reminds me of the tragic, yet legendary, Jay Gatsby and his hopeless, endless and doomed hunt of the green light, which represented the girl he thought was the love of his life.

Though it may all seem romantic in the recently aired movie, it should teach us the lesson that perfection will never be reached, and the person you are impatiently (or too patiently?) waiting for may not actually be the person you're meant to end up with. When you find it utterly impossible to discover what, or who, you are looking for, maybe it's time to consider that it simply does not exist in reality the way it does in your mind.

So Generation-Y, take a step back, relax and accept that you are not invincible and not perfect. By giving uncomfortable experiences a chance, whether it’s being single for once, or diving into a relationship you're unsure about, you might find the solution to those relationship problems you’ve been dwelling on.

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