Every Single One Of Your Friends Is A Character From 'Scream Queens'

by Emily Arata

Confession: I'm a Ryan Murphy addict.

I've followed the diva-worshipping showrunner from "Glee" to "American Horror Story," so I can't help but love the odd lovechild of the two, "Scream Queens."

Like all Murphy shows it's plagued with discussion about incoherent plot, but the sets and characters are positively unforgettable.

The story centers around a college campus, where you're just as likely to get your lower intestine ripped out with a chainsaw as ever attend an actual class. The plot is pushed along by its Queen Bee Chanel Oberlin and her sorority of minions. They're Divas with a capital D, but that doesn't stop us from relating to all that b*tchiness.

In the ensemble cast of "Scream Queens" everyone plays a social role weirdly similar to those of the people in your real life. The b*tch, the wannabe and the good girl are all here.

Boone Clemens, the gay guy worth crushing on anyway.


After months of hotly anticipating Nick Jonas' bare biceps, we were sad to see his character, Boone, leave us after only one episode -- or did he?

The real-life Boones of the world are good-looking and charismatic. No matter how much the straight girls pine for them, they just don't swing that way.

Chanel #3, the epitome of a stoner chick.

Reviewers have begun touting Billie Lourd, daughter of "Star Wars" princess Carrie Fischer, as the breakout star of "Scream Queens," thanks to her flat expression, earmuffs in all weather and general unwillingness to be phased by any serial killer with a chainsaw.

Chanel #3 is the reigning second in command of Kappa Kappa Tau, but she's entirely chill about it. While others shriek and hunt for dead bodies, she's content to exchange flirtations with KKT's only lesbian member.

Chanel #3 and her real-life equivalents are way too busy being wealthy and drugged-out to get upset.

Chanel #5, the mean girl gone rogue.


The golden rule of any clique system is there can only be one Queen Bee, whether you're the Heathers or the Plastics. For Chanel #5, always lagging behind her four superior friends, patience is indeed wearing thin.

Like Abigail Breslin's character, there's always a popular girl who decides to commit utter mutiny against her leader. Just make sure you pick the right side in the fight, or your allegiance might be closer to something Gretchen Wieners deemed "social suicide."

Earl Grey, the untouchable dream guy.


The quietest member of the Dickie Dollar Scholars, Earl Grey is usually content to hang behind leader Chad Radwell. However, in recent episodes we've seen Grey emerge as the unlikely heroine, encouraging Zayday to follow her Hillary Clinton-esque dreams and run for KKT president.

With his Beckham-like good looks and British accent, Grey is the quintessential heartthrob who's just out of your reach. He might be your best friend's older brother or the guy sitting across from you in a Starbucks. He's way too dreamy to be real life.

Hester Ulrich, the cutthroat wannabe.


Another fundamental tenet of all-girl social systems: there's always one ruthless copycat. Falling in step with the most popular girls, the wannabe bides her time until guards are down. Then she strikes, taking her place at the top of the social food chain.

Like Hester, who turns into Chanel #6, wannabes usually have something of a psychopath streak to them. They've been known to copy their leaders' wardrobes and music taste, not to mention their dietary habits.

Zayday Williams, the one who DGAF about the haters.


As played by Keke Palmer, Zayday Williams is the true wildcard of the "Scream Queens" clique. She's got a penchant for okra chips, a chainsaw under her bed and a budding flirtation with the Red Devil, her erstwhile kidnapper.

In real life, Zayday is the friend most likely to unexpectedly show up outside your door with a fully packed car and two tickets to Outside Lands. She may be wild, but Zayday is always up for an adventure.

Pete Martinez, the faux f*ckboy.


Pete Martinez, the budding campus journalist and barista, itches to make a name for himself and score a date with new student Grace. He's charming and smart, but doesn't seem all that committed to actually, you know, going on dates and putting in the time.

You might know Pete as your friendly neighborhood faux f*ckboy, the one who wants to play the field and lock it down simultaneously. When you're out at a party, he's texting you to come over for a late night booty call that inevitably turns into him playing you the guitar. He just can't decide whether or not he's ready to commit.

Grace Gardner, the straight A student.

With her golden curling iron ringlets and perfect white smile, new girl Grace Gardner is the full package. While she could probably be popular, she's too intent on making real friends to play the Chanels' game.

Grace is the Hermione Granger of everyday life, a good looking girl who's too smart to get caught up in the petty day-to-day. You wish she would get wasted just once, but she only ever has the occasional beer with friends. Unfortunately for us, we're too busy loving her to resent her.

Chad Radwell, the maybe-gay stud.


Frat king Chad Radwell has a few well-documented issues -- philandering and necrophilia amongst them -- but that doesn't stop his perfectly symmetrical face from making the hearts of every woman on campus beat a little faster.

Chad might not be everyone's taste, but his preference for pastel shirts and snuggling with gay friends might lead women to suspect there's more to him than meets the eye. Even so, he's so hunky you can't help staring just a second longer.

Chanel Oberlin, the HBIC.

By this point, Emma Roberts has become show creator Ryan Murphy's muse. As Chanel #1, the reigning diva of KKT, Roberts out-b*tches even her former roles on two seasons of "American Horror Story."

Absolutely everyone has fallen under the reign of terror commanded by a Chanel #1, the rich girl who's just trying to get her way. She demands strict allegiance, even so far as asking her minions to abandon their friends.

Chanel must be queen, and no one dares stop her.