Not enough women have balls.
Let me rephrase that: Not enough women have guts. We stand in the shadows, we accept whatever we can get, and we don’t believe we deserve great things. Why, you wonder? That’s a conversation for another article.
What I do know is that it’s high time for you, young lady, to stop being afraid of these six things.
1. Going On A Romantic, Fairy Tale Date With… Yourself
Single and loving it? Fantastic. Some of my greatest memories involve me and my vibrator. Being in a relationship can be a wonderful thing.
Being a party of one can also be wonderful. You are enough. You are whole. You are complete.
Maybe most importantly, you can fart in your sleep without having to worry about your bedmate hearing it. I’d call that a win.
2. Growing A Muffin Top
Remember that time women hated cookies?
Food is freaking fun. And by fun, I mean STFU while I devour this cheesecake. Of course, you should take care of yourself and enjoy things in moderation, but please, remember that you are a human being.
You are made of skin and bones and fat and muscle, just like everyone else. We all have stretch marks and cellulite and dimples and wrinkles.
When we sit down, our thighs squish out to double their size. Life is too short to constantly worry about not having a six pack. Do you realize how beautiful you are? I certainly do.
3. Not Having The Personality Of A Doorknob
Aw. It’s so cute when all women are quiet and soft and only speak when they’re spoken to.
Men frequently get a free pass when it comes to being obnoxious. In fact, they don’t call it obnoxious, they say, “Boys will be boys.” When females behave this way, they’re either bipolar or on the rag.
Many people can’t handle a strong woman; many people are also morons. Have a backbone and the people you attract into your life will be the awesome ones, whom you actually want in your life.
4. Not Feeling Like A Piece Of Sh*t About Yourself
Oh, ladies. We’ve grown up to learn to look in the mirror and pick out everything that’s wrong: My face is fat, my eyebrows are different shapes and when I raise my arm to wave, the skin hanging from my arm waves, too.
What about your gorgeous, full lips? Or your long, strong legs? And your delicious tush?
Do you look at yourself and your life and notice all of the spectacular things you’re doing? Are you proud to have come so far in your education or your career? Do you feel confident and sassy parading around the house in lacy lingerie and heels? You SHOULD.
Btw, you also have an incredible rack.
5. Having High Standards When It Comes To… Most Things
No one is telling you to demand perfection; that’d just be silly. But, did you turn down the last guy who pursued you because you didn’t feel that he fully respected you? Good. You’re looking for a life mate, not a shower curtain.
Did you ask for a raise because you knew you could prove that you deserve an increase in salary? Splendid. Now you don’t have to buy the generic toilet paper that leaves crumbs on your ass. You work too hard for that.
Did you finally file a noise complaint against the pesky neighbors who throw bass-thumping parties every single weekend and ignore your polite requests for a bit of peace? Perfect.
You pay a lot for that crappy apartment and you never get to sleep, so your neighbors should shut the f*ck up.
Expect good things to happen, and they will.
6. Being Sexual And, Oh Hey, Porn!
Women who love sex are easy! Wild! Loose! Slutsssssssss!
Actually, we’re just human.
Sex — for the right reasons, and when nobody gets hurt — is peachy. Sexing with a boyfriend? Girlfriend? One-night stand? Yourself? Sweet! Use a rubber, wash your hands and everything will be okay.
Be kind. Be strong. Stand your ground. Raise the bar. You are incredible.