My Boyfriend And I Copied Ciara And Russell And Chose To Be Abstinent
“What is sex like? I can't even remember,” I say as my roommates and I laugh over a few mimosas at brunch on a Saturday morning.
While they share stories about past and present trysts with that guy from work or a current boyfriend, I am on the outside looking in, imaging what it would be like.
You see, my long-term (and long distance) boyfriend and I practice abstinence. A decision I came to after having had sex before.
I'm not alone, either. Recently, Ciara's boyfriend, Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, gave an interview with San Diego pastor Miles McPherson.
In the interview, Wilson said the couple have chosen not to do the nasty until after the wedding.
Through personal experience and my growing faith, I decided I wanted to commit myself to abstinence. For me, sex is worth waiting for. Luckily, I found a man who shares the same ideals.
Still, here I am at brunch, drinking bubbly and continuing to make jokes, gobbling up every detail of my girlfriends' stories. Though it's entertaining, I'm wondering what that would be like. To actually have sex.
*Cue day dreaming sequence*
It is difficult to stay abstinent, no matter your motivation or current relationship status.
In our society, we are constantly stimulated by sex.
Billboards, music videos, television and movies all utilize the popular “sex sells." We see naked women, guys with washboard abs, sex scenes, short skirts and one-night stands being celebrated.
People, specifically my generation, practice sexual freedom and began the “hook-up culture” we see today. Countless friends have no problem sharing intimate moments with near strangers and hardly any of them practice abstinence.
I don't judge them one bit. I get it. This sh*t is hard.
I am obviously sexually attracted to my boyfriend. I wouldn't be romantically involved with him if I wasn't. So, it's only natural I have the urge to have sex with him, like all the time.
That urge is there and I fight it every single day, reminding myself of the end goal.
No matter how damn gratifying it would be, this decision to abstain is something my boyfriend and I talk about daily.
Whether it's simply sharing our frustration or giving each other a pep talk, we remind each other why we do it.
Honestly, sometimes just saying, "Yes, I do want to have sex with you!" gets us through the day.
Going through this struggle together and sharing this ideal makes us stronger, as individuals and as a couple. As a reminder that our relationship is more than just a physical interaction, abstaining allows us to focus on the foundation of our relationship.
It can also take its toll on the relationship every now and then.
Sexual frustration is a very real thing and can change a mood in an instant. I know this man is the one I am meant to be with, so, naturally I begin to justify why we should just have sex.
“I am going to marry you anyway," and, "We are about to live together” are things I often find myself saying.
But, again, we talk about it and remind ourselves why we chose this. Then, we take a cold cold shower.
Since my SO and I have been doing long distance, the immediate temptation isn't there. But, in a few short months we will start living together. This, my friends, will be the true test.
My roommates ask me all the time how do we do it? And sometimes I wish I could tell you; we just do. It's something that's important to us and something we think is worth waiting for.
So, for now, I ask my friends, “How was your date last night?! Tell me everything!”
I talk to my boyfriend about my frustrations, I pray and sometimes I want to punch a hole in the wall.
It is difficult to practice abstinence, but it is also doable. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take another cold shower.