The F-word has been flying around the media these days like a biblical plague, causing men to shift uncomfortably at the sound of it and women to quickly disown it.
You know the word I’m talking about.
Well, apologies in advance for the strong language: I’m a f*minist.
I know, I know, I shouldn’t use such a word. I could give men the impression I just irrationally hate them with a fiery passion, and want to kick them off the corporate ladder. And then I’ll just end up alone, as an old spinster cat lady.
In fact, it’s probably better I didn’t call myself the F-word at all, considering people avoid the term like a red-hot coal being hurled at their heads. And who can blame them?
Feminism has been f*cking up social norms in the workplace and domestic homes, and wreaking havoc on Hollywood by terrorizing male-rights activists with movies like "Mad Max: Fury Road."
Man, it’s just absolute chaos right now, thanks to that damn F-word.
Even crazier, some people think the F-word means feminists are only lesbians — even the feminist gals who are straight but still support LGBT equality.
Jeez, it’s easy to see why steering clear of the F-word totally makes life more simple for everybody.
I mean, who wants to ruin her reputation with a word like that? Or worse, their career? It has caused huge public figures and female CEOs like Marissa Mayer to hastily make it known they’re not feminists:
"I don’t think that I would consider myself a feminist… I do think feminism has become, in many ways, a more negative word."
Who wants to be associated with a “negative” word? Who’d ever want to support something controversial? It’s way easier to fall in line and keep ideas like “gender equality” to yourself.
Then you have a way higher chance of people liking you for the person they think you are. Score, right?
I mean, come on, feminism is f*cking scary. It has helped earn American women the right to vote, to enter the workplace and to run for president. The word is stubbled with all these radical ideas about “equal opportunities for everyone.”
Ugh, who’d want to be associated with a word like that?
Anyone who calls him or herself a feminist couldn’t possibly succeed as a leader in the corporate world or make the workforce a better place, right?
And seriously, no self-respecting man would call himself a feminist and still be considered a real man, right? Certainly no famous and beloved actor would call himself a feminist, and still be able to work in Hollywood, right?
No way, no how. Can’t be possible.
The F-word just has so many contradicting meanings swirling around out there on the Internet. Who can you trust to figure out what the word actually really means?
If you Google “feminism,” it provides the terrifyingly simple definition:
noun, 1. the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men.
It's such a plain definition, who can trust it? What's your game, Internet?
I mean, why do I even call myself a feminist? If I don’t hate men, actually enjoy male friends and view my boyfriend as my equal, what’s the point of me even saying I support feminism?
If I actually just advocate for women having the same opportunity to rise and be given the same consideration as my male coworkers (and do not condemn the entire male species to a life underground in bunkers), should I even call myself a feminist?
The truth is, there are women out there who use the F-word all the time and are not man-eaters. There are women out there who call themsleves feminists and have male partners they love.
Bat sh*t crazy, right?