You will never meet a nicer, more sincere and/or more accommodating female than in a crowded women's restroom.
Sure, this may apply when you are sober, but it reaches a whole different level of complimentary when every girl involved is extremely intoxicated.
Forgot your eyeliner? Need some coverup? An oil sheet? It doesn't matter how unsanitary the gesture is because, in that moment, you are eternally grateful.
So why is the women's restroom the best place to go when your sloppy, inebriated self needs a little pick me up? Let me count the ways...
1. The lighting is always good
It may be because your eyes are half closed, but the lighting always appears to be extra forgiving in the women's restroom. You've never looked better than when you are rocking a pair of beer goggles... at least to yourself.
2. The bathroom attendant is paid to make you feel better about yourself
The more you tip her, the more compliments you shall receive. And she gives you candy!
3. The longer the line is, the more likely you are to make friends
How else are you supposed to pass the time while waiting in a ridiculously long bathroom line? You have to distract each other from how badly you have to pee!
4. Everyone compliments your shoes because they're all you can see under the stalls
"Like, OMG, where did you get those ahhhhmazing shoes?!!!"
5. Someone's always drunker than you
Things could always be worse, you could be that girl... Instant confidence boost, am I right or am I right?
6. There's always a girl crying, which makes you feel better about your life
You thought you had problems, but clearly they aren't big enough if they haven't driven you into a fit of hysterics in the women's bathroom. #Winning.
7. There are mirrors everywhere
The more mirrors there are, the more options you have to check out every possible angle of yourself. Sound vain and superficial? Well, good thing I wasn't asking you.
8. There are girls puking, which makes you feel sober
This is all the encouragement any girl really need to get another round of Fireball shots... even if it does contain antifreeze...
9. There's no competition since men are not allowed in there
If you eliminated the male species, females would probably get along much, much better. Actually, they definitely would.
10. There's so much commiseration about waiting in the long line that people are more willing to talk to each other
It's the sardine principle. You can't be that close to all those girls and not be nice to one another.
11. You always feel better leaving than when you came in
Whether you are actually using the bathroom for its intended purposes, puking or recreational reasons, you will always feel better leaving than when you arrived.
12. Not every line in the bathroom is a bad one
In fact, it can be quite good.
13. Hearing someone throw up gives you a confidence boost to take more shots
See? There are absolutely worse people out there than you. And now you have a new plan for the night: End up like that girl.
14.Trading makeup and sharing tampons reinforces the bonds of sisterhood
Now these really are the rules of feminism.
15. This is a selfie-safe zone
No judgments are made in the female restroom — EVER. Feel free to take as many mirror shots or selfies as you damn well please. Anyone who says anything otherwise is a hypocrite.
16. There is always someone there to compliment you when you start complaining
"No you don't! The way your mascara is dripping down your face is really accentuating your eyes!"