Getting a manicure is our time to ourselves when we can read some salacious celebrity gossip and do absolutely nothing for a half an hour.
Yet what should be a relaxing time is actually overrun by our comical inner monologues. Here's what women are really thinking at the nail salon...
Did I choose the right color?
That midnight purple looked a lot more midnight than purple when you tested it on your thumb beforehand.
“It’s in the plum family though,” you rationalize to yourself as the nail technician moves from one hand to the next. You breathe a sigh of relief – it’s much darker with two coats. Okay, you can live with it…but, um how much is a polish change?
Are they talking about me?
You’re sure that the manicurists are making fun of your wrecked cuticles, but it’s just been a really stressful week!
Do they secretly mind your cellphone use or are they laughing about your telephone conversation? You resolve not to care and tip a little extra for having them endure your chatter about your weekend recap.
Don’t make eye contact during the hand massage
This part of the manicure can get unexpectedly intimate...and fast. It feels really awesome, but is she lingering a little too long on your hand?
Picking your nail color based on the name of the polish
How would you describe yourself? Are you an “Ole Caliente” or an “Armed and Ready”? You are such a sucker for marketing, you think to yourself as you settle on Essie’s “Smoking Hot.”
Is that sanitary?
That blue light machine is questionably clean and looking a little suspect. Is it a hundred percent hygienic? Oh well, you’ll take your chances on this one.
I hope my feet don’t smell
Pedicures are a serious luxury for a reason. Being a pedicurist is kind of being like a middle school chorus teacher – it’s an unpleasant job, but someone’s got to do it!
My nail beds suck
This is a very real thing. We understand.
Wow, I feel so clean all of a sudden!
Despite the tools’ unconfirmed sanitation status, your hands and feet feel like a whole new level of freshness.
You admire how your fingers look dangling your keys or how perfect your feet are in your peep toe pumps. Is that a musical chorus in the background? We think it is!
I should have shaved my legs
The pedicurist has seen worse, right? You can’t be the first person who’s forgotten to groom her hairs before a rubdown. Er, at least that’s what you’re telling yourself as the technician towels your legs dry.
She’s cutting too much off
That was a good 6 weeks of hard work letting your nails grow that the manicurist just trimmed off. Now you’re going to have to start from square one again. Bummer.
Ouch! That’s my cuticle
That green liquid those manicurists are applying to your cut is probably not the safest, but it gets the job done. What kind of magic potion is stopping the bleeding, you’ll probably never know. There’s no going back now though.
I feel so bad that she has to touch my toes right now
Feet are gross.
Ohh…that tickles…I hope I don’t kick her in the face
But seriously, stop tickling us. And we’re tired holding our legs up while our heels are scrubbed.
The girls sitting next to us sound like idiots
Do we sound like that when we’re getting our nails done together? Why are they talking so loudly about their boyfriends? Are they planning on inviting everyone to their party tonight because these sole sisters (see what we did there?) are certainly sharing all details?
Should I have gotten square? Or round?
The ultimate debate. No matter what you choose, you won’t be satisfied.