What do you, Kristen Stewart and the kid picked last in kickball have in common? You’re all socially awkward. Welcome to the club. Don’t feel weird about it.
It’s riding the bus with someone you don’t want to make small talk with. It’s having difficulty accepting compliments.
It’s those moments in which we have no choice but to shrug our shoulders and accept the fact that we are only humans. And socially awkward ones at that.
It should come as no surprise that some of the greatest comedians and writers are also socially-awkward individuals. Their ability to find humor and insight into these commonly uncomfortable situations are what make them so relatable and great. In other words, you’re not alone.
We aren’t all blessed with the easy ability to emerge from socially-mortifying situations unscathed. And while there is no cure for socially-awkward people, there is definitely hope. The first step is identifying the problem.
Here are the 17 times you have socially-awkward problems:
1. When someone asks, “Who are you here with?”
As if third wheeling wasn’t difficult enough, it’s even more humiliating when someone points out that you are, in fact, alone. Thanks, because we didn’t realize this already.
2. Accidentally liking your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s photo
There’s no taking it back. You just have to live with what you’ve done and be OK knowing that she’s laughing about you to her friends.
Repeat after me: That which does not kill you only makes you stronger. This too, shall pass.
3. Getting out of the subway, proceeding in the wrong direction and having to reorient yourself
Did anyone notice the epic 180 we just pulled on the sidewalk? No? OK, good. Resume walking like we own the place and totally know where we’re going.
4. Deciding whether to air-kiss or air-hug your girlfriend’s random new friend hello
You’ve never seen nor met this new girl before, but you gave the warmest greeting to your friend so you don’t want to leave her straggle newbie out. But you don’t want to touch her with an embrace.
But you don’t want to be overly familiar and go in for the kiss. But you don’t want to be awkward... which you totally are.
5. When a guy offers to buy your friend a drink, but not you
Uh, that’s okay, I don’t like free alcohol anyway. I’ll just stand right here feeling uncomfortable and silently hating you for stealing the only person I have to talk to.
6. Chit-chatting with your hairdresser
Which is worse: making small talk while patiently watching each section get done or sitting in complete silence as someone works on your hair for two straight hours?
We’re getting uncomfortable just thinking about it.
7. Saying goodbye to a coworker and then heading in the same direction
You want to make a run for it, but you know you can’t. So you’ll just hide in your own social ineptitude for now.
8. Talking in the back of taxis about your sex life and sharing intimate details about your (non-existent) boyfriend
Are you being paranoid or did you just lock eyes with the driver at the exact moment you blurted about trying anal? This doesn’t feel right.
...That’s what she said.
9. Showing up in the same outfit as someone else, and fielding "Are you twins?" questions the rest of the night
No, it wasn’t planned. No, we don’t think it’s nearly as cute as everyone else does. And yes, we are slightly bitter about the whole thing. Can we go home and change now?
10. Opting out of posed pictures
Even if you’re not actually opting out of the group shot, it always looks like you are because you’re three feet away from everyone, looking like you’re incredibly unsure of where to place yourself. This is called your “good side.”
11. When the store clerk says, “Have a nice day,” and you respond, “You’re welcome.”
So. Awkward. It’s like being back in grade school and accidentally calling your teacher “Mom.”
12. Finding a partner during yoga class
Thanks, but we’d rather try this pose on our own. “Solo” is your favorite type of group work. The promise of "pairing up" sounds worse than Shia LaBeouf’s nightmares.
13. Pretending like you don’t recognize the person near you at Starbucks
You’re hungover and still in your clothes from the night before and the last thing you want to do is casually catch-up with your long-lost sorority sister on the past five years of your lives.
Will a simple wave of acknowledgement suffice? Nope, it never does.
14. Reaching for the same bagel
“You have it.” “No you have it.” “Really, I insist you have it.” “But you reached for it first. You take it.” “It’s all yours. I don’t need it.” “OK, but only because this conversation is making me grow more and more uneasy.”
15. Arriving before everyone else shows up
There is a finite amount of times you can refresh your Instagram before the people around you start to notice that you’ve been staring at the same photos for 20 minutes.
Don’t blame yourself, blame your late friends.
16. Shouting to someone who never hears you
On the downside, you feel really stupid. On the bright side, you’ve just answered the question: If a tree falls in the woods, but no one is around to hear it, did it ever make a sound?
17. Not hearing what someone just said, giving up and responding with: “Sure.”
As long as you didn’t unknowingly agree to Chris Brown getting intimate with your booty, you should be in the clear; 82 percent of what people have to say is nonsense anyway.
Photo Courtesy: MTV/The Hills